


Finding Their Way Home

by goodform2011, Lori2279



Category: Castle
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-24
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-01 01:40:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 34,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4001113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodform2011/pseuds/goodform2011, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lori2279/pseuds/Lori2279
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alexis and Kevin fell in love but outside forces got in their way. Will they ever find their way back to each other?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> First Castle story. This has been influenced by the massive amount of Rylexis fiction I have read. I own nothing. Reply?

2023-

Kate Beckett had seen a lot of reactions in all her years as a cop; a rookie getting sick at his first gory crime scene, family member dissolving into tears at the news of a loved one's demise, but as she walked down the hall of the New York hospital, she saw something she wasn't prepared for. Kevin Ryan was sitting on the floor of the hallway looking like his entire world had just collapsed.

She'd known that he and Espo were the ones who had discovered Alexis, and Kevin had ridden over with Alexis in the ambulance while Espo had stayed at the scene. Espo had been shaken up, but it was nothing like what Kate was seeing from Kevin at that moment.

Putting aside her husband's request that he catch the bastard that had hurt his daughter for a moment, she knelt down next to her friend and put her hand on his arm, "Kevin? Are you okay?"

The other detective lifted his head and looked at her. The look of pain reflected in his eyes echoed one she'd seen fleetingly about seven years ago.

Oddly enough it had been just after Rick had announced Alexis's elopement.

"Kevin? Talk to me," Kate said softly.

"I'm going to lose her," he said hoarsely.

"What?"

"Alexis. I finally got her back, and I'm gonna lose her all over again," he broke down in a painful sob.

Kate hugged him as he cried, his words repeating in her head.

Kevin was afraid he was going to lose Alexis…again.

Which begged the question: When had he had her to begin with?

2015 –

_While truckin' down the road of life, although all hope seems gone,_

_I just move on._

Kevin Ryan smiled in spite of the situation as he let himself into Martha's acting studio. It looked like Alexis was here listening to her grandma's records after all.

That meant she was alone. Good, because they needed to talk. It had been days of unreturned phone calls and ignored text messages. He was beginning to hate the message on Alexis's voice mail.

He followed the music to the auditorium and spotted the redhead he'd come to see lying on a settee staring at the ceiling.

He came down the stairs towards the stage as quietly as he could, but he must have made a noise.

"You shouldn't be here," Alexis said, sitting up.

"I wanted to see how you were. We didn't really get a chance to say anything at the wake or the funeral. You always seemed to be surrounded by people at the repast at the loft."

"I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine," Alexis insisted, "Please leave."

"Lex, what's going on?" Kevin climbed onto the stage and knelt down next to her. "This is more than Martha dying."

"I can't talk about it," she tried to wave him away.

"Hey," he took her hand. "Talk to me. I hate feeling like there's a wall between us."

"I got accepted to Tulane," she replied, "And I'm considering it."

"What?" Kevin stared at her. "Tulane? The one in New Orleans?"

"That's the one," she nodded, "I applied before this thing between the two of us started. I wasn't planning on going, but now I think it's for the best."

Kevin dropped her hand and settled back on his haunches, "Why?"

"We knew that this wasn't going to last forever," Alexis motioned between them. "I'm just saying it first."

"But," he began before she cut him off.

"You're married," she reminded him, "How can we have a future together? How could we even start?"

Yes, he was married but even before he and Alexis had started up, he'd been seriously considering becoming unmarried. He loved Sarah Grace, but he wasn't sure that he wanted to stay with her mother.

"I'll leave her," he began.

"I don't believe you," she shook her head.

"I mean it. I'll divorce her. I don't want to lose you," he said reaching out for her hand again only to have it pulled away.

"It's too late for that," she brushed tears off her cheeks. "It's over, Kevin. It should've never started. Everyone you know, everyone you love, would hate you for this; my dad, Javi, Beckett."

"I don't care about any of that," he insisted, "If you're going to Tulane, I'll go with you. I'll find a new position there."

"And leave your daughter, no," she shook her head. "Go home. Your family is waiting."

"I love you," he said.

Alexis stood up, "Love someone else."

Then she walked away.

Alexis got outside the theater and stepped to the curb with the bag she'd packed earlier that day. As she waited for a cab, she pulled out her phone and dialed.

_"Hello?"_

"I did it. He's yours. Don't ever call me again," she hissed before hanging up. She hailed a cab and got in.

"Where to, Miss?"

"JFK," Alexis said after a moment. "I've got to get out of this town."

She didn't see Kevin running after her cab, nor the heartbroken look he had on his face.

She leaned back against the seat and placed a hand to her stomach. Tears filled her eyes.

"Stay with us, okay, Gram? Just for a little while."

-d-d-d-

Eight months later ~

Kevin looked up when he heard the elevator chime and saw Beckett and Castle stepping onto the floor. The brunette looked amused at her husband's ranting.

"Hey, what's going on?" Esposito asked from beside Kevin.

"Castle's freaking out," Beckett rolled her eyes.

"What about?"

"My daughter just got married," the writer exclaimed.

"What?" Kevin couldn't stop himself from speaking.

"That's where we were this weekend. Alexis and Chris eloped to Vegas on Saturday," Beckett explained.

"Wow. I didn't realize it was that serious," Esposito said.

"Castle's denial spreads to our friends," Kate motioned to her fellow detective. "I knew it was serious from the first time Alexis mentioned Christopher."

"She's never going to come home now," Castle grumbled. "She married an Alabama born Louisiana transplant Federal agent."

"And there lies the real problem," Kate pointed out. "He doesn't want his daughter married to a Navy cop."

"You married a cop, Castle," Esposito pointed out his infectious grin covering his face.

"Which I think is some kind of hypocrisy," Kate said. "Ryan, what do you think?"

They turned to see an empty space where the Irish cop had been standing.

"Where'd he go?" Kate looked around.

"I don't know," Esposito shook his head.

-d-d-d-

Kevin closed the door to the observation room and leaned against the wall. She was married. His girl was someone else's. He wanted to let out an angry yell. He wanted to slam his fists through a wall. He wanted to bang his head against the one way glass. Mostly he just wanted his heart to stop beating. Perhaps then it wouldn't hurt so much when he thought about the fact that the woman he loved had married someone else so soon after they'd separated.

He'd barely found a way to put one foot in front of the other after her abrupt exit eight months ago. All that pain that he'd forcibly buried was coming to the surface again, and he didn't think he could contain it a second time.

He thought about flying to New Orleans to confront her, but he suddenly had a thought. Did he really have any right to be mad at her for moving on with her life? He was the one that had ruined everything by stubbornly staying in a marriage that was no longer working.

He thought about calling a divorce attorney, but he didn't want to put his daughter through what would promise to be a painful divorce. The brief separation he'd had with his wife had already scarred their daughter. He could only imagine what a divorce could do.

His last thought was that he had to put Alexis out of his mind. He had to find a way to let her go. He pulled out his phone and deleted every trace of her that he had left. He said a private goodbye and then returned to his colleagues. He did his best to seem happy by their news, but inside he was dying.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I forgot to thank my beta and co-writer last time. Goodform2011, you rock.

Eight Years Later -

 

Kevin put a file down on Beckett's desk and glanced at the pictures that ran across it.  There was her and Castle in their wedding finery with the ocean in the background and Martha and Jim flanking the couple, a Christmas shot of Jo, Jamie, and Ian in front of the tree, their toothy grins nice and wide, and then there was a shot of Alexis and Christopher in face paint and beads.

 

So disgusted by the thought that she was happy with someone else, he almost turned away until he saw another picture, one with Alexis and a young boy.

 

He picked it up without another thought and looked at the boy sitting on her lap.  He was red haired like Alexis, Martha, and Alexis's mother, Meredith, but while his eyes were blue, a blue that didn't match Castle.  The color matched his own.

 

"Snooping Ryan?" Kate asked as she walked up.

 

"Sorry," Kevin put down the picture quickly.  "Is that Alexis and Chris's son?"

 

"Yes, that's Hunter.  I can't believe he'll be eight next month," Kate smiled.  "Castle wants to do a huge party for him.  Alexis and I are going to have to use sedatives to rein him in."

 

"Next month," Kevin in surprise, "He was born before Alexis and Chris got married?"

 

"Yeah," Kate nodded.

 

Kevin began to mentally do the math and suddenly was as white as a ghost.

 

"You okay, Ryan?" Kate caught his distress.

 

"Yeah, I'm good," Kevin nodded.  "I, uh, I just have to go check on something."

 

"Kevin, are you sure you're alright?" she caught his hand.

 

"I'm fine, Beckett," Kevin smiled as best he could.

 

"If you're not feeling well, go home before you get the rest of us sick," Beckett commanded him, "That flu that's been going around is a nasty bugger."

 

"Good idea.  I am feeling a little nauseous," Kevin nodded before he headed for the elevator.  "I'll see you tomorrow."

 

"Feel better, Ryan," Kate called after him.

 

"Thanks," he waved over his shoulder before stepping into the elevator.  He waited until the doors were shut before collapsing against the wall and hanging onto the railings.  He was having a hard time breathing.

 

For the few moments that he was alone in the elevator he was in complete agony.  He'd fathered a son and had missed eight years with both him and his mother.

 

Had Alexis known the night she'd walked away?  Why hadn't she told him?

 

The elevators chimed the arrival of the first floor.  He did the best he could to regain his usual demeanor, but he knew it was best to avoid speaking with anyone.  He kept his head down and made his way outside.

 

Just as he reached the street, his phone chimed.  It was Javier.

 

"Hey, I'm on my way home.  Beckett thinks I'm getting the flu."

 

_"Get to a TV."_

 

Kevin went back inside and stopped in front of a television in the precinct.  The news station screamed the headline that a federal agent in New Orleans had just been killed in an explosion.

 

"Oh my God," Kevin breathed.  He turned around and ran back to the elevator.

 

"You're supposed to be going home with the flu," Javier greeted Kevin when he returned to the floor.

 

"I'm fine.  Beckett overreacted.  Where is she?"

 

"On the phone," Javier pointed to the break room.  "She and Castle are trying to get hold of Alexis."

 

"Lex isn't considered a federal agent, is she?" Kevin was numb as he spoke the words.

 

"No, but her husband is," Javier reminded him.  Beckett's desk phone started to ring, and he picked it up, "Detective Beckett's phone."

 

 _"Javi,"_ a voice quivered.  It was so small and quiet that Javier could barely hear it.  _"Is my dad there?"_

 

"Alexis?  Is that you?"

 

_"Javi, I really need to talk to my dad.  Is he there?"_

 

"Are you alright?" Javier pressed as he motioned Castle over, "We just saw the news."

 

Alexis started to sob.

 

"Alexis, are you alright?" Rick snatched the phone out of Javier's hands.

 

 _"Daddy, he's gone,"_ Alexis broke out in painful sobs.

 

"Oh God," Rick sat in Kate's seat.  "Sweetie, I am so sorry."

 

"Oh no," Kate murmured.

 

Esposito put a hand on his friend's shoulder.

 

Rick tried to be as gentle as he could in getting information out of her about what had happened, but Alexis was too distraught to give any information.

 

"Rick, I'm calling the airline," Kate spoke with tears in her eyes, "We'll be on the next flight out."

 

"I'll call your dad," Javier added, "See if he can stay with the kiddos."

 

"Thank you," Kate mouthed.

 

Kevin stood motionless...helpless.

 

"Detective Ryan, what's happening?" Captain Gates asked him.

 

"I...ah...I think Alexis's husband was the federal agent that died in the explosion in New Orleans," Kevin stammered out.

 

"Oh God," Gates sighed.  "When Beckett gets off the phone, let her know I called personnel to clear her days off."

 

Kevin nodded.  Trying to find something to do, anything to feel useful, he picked up the phone to see if he could find out anything he could about what happened in New Orleans.

 

=d=d=d=d=

 

Alexis sat on the window seat of her bedroom staring out at the sky.  She was wearing a black dress and her hair was twisted back, the ends curled like ribbons.  She smiled a little.  Chris loved it when she wore it up.

 

_Easy access, Darling._

 

She was disrupted from her thoughts by a soft knock at her door.

 

"Alexis, sweetheart, it's time," Castle spoke softly.

 

Alexis nodded, "The boys?"

 

"Downstairs already," Castle nodded.  "Maggie's mad that she has to stay with Laurel."

 

"She's too young, Daddy."

 

"I know," he replied, "But she's going to want to say goodbye to her father too."

 

"I'll take her another day," Alexis said.  "Is King downstairs?"

 

"No," Castle shook his head.

 

"Damn him," Alexis shook her head.

 

"Honey," Castle tried to calm her down.

 

"No.  Don't defend him.  Don't you dare."

 

"It wasn't his fault," Castle tried to reason with her.

 

"I know it wasn't his fault.  I don't blame him, but he should be here."

 

"And you're cursing him for being late?" he inquired.

 

"He's not coming, Dad.  I know him.  He's off at some random bar, drunk off his ass."

 

"He just lost an agent."

 

"And I lost a husband.  My children lost their father," Alexis snapped, "He should be honoring his agent, not drinking away his pain."

 

"Have you given anymore thought to what we discussed last night?"

 

"Not now, Dad," Alexis said as she left her room and started down the hall.

 

"Daughters.  That's why Lear went mad," Castle nodded before he followed Alexis.

 

Alexis looked at her watch.  "We'd better get going…I can't believe I'm burying my husband."

 

"Is it wrong to say you look lovely?" Castle asked.

 

"Yes," she nodded, "But thank you."

 

Kate looked up from the photo she was holding as Alexis and Rick came down the stairs, "Hey."

 

"Everyone ready to go?" Alexis slipped into her jacket.

 

"Yeah," Kate nodded.

 

"Boys?" Alexis called.  "Come on."

 

"Mommy," Maggie moaned as she ran towards her mother with her arms outstretched.

 

"Hey Maggie Mae," Alexis scooped up her little girl and tried to put on a brave face.  "You gonna be good for Laurel?"

 

Maggie's head came to rest against her mother's shoulder, "I miss Daddy."

 

"I know you do, Peanut," Alexis's eyes filled with tears, "I do too."

 

"Will I never see him…ever, ever again?"

 

"Boys, let's get your coats on," Kate ushered Hunter and Cade towards the closet as Alexis took Maggie into the kitchen to talk to her.

 

"Sweetie, remember what we talked about yesterday," Alexis sat Maggie on the counter and brushed her hair behind her ears, "Daddy is in heaven now.  We will see him one day, but not for a long, long time."

 

Maggie's lip trembled as she started to cry again and Alexis gathered her up in her arms.

 

Castle stood in the doorway and watched, his heart breaking for his daughter and granddaughter.

 

-d-d-d-

 

Kevin looked around him and then started to type information into the computer.

 

"What are you working on, Ryan?" Javier ambled up beside him.

 

"Nothing important," Kevin cleared the screen.  "Have you talked to Beckett?"

 

"Yeah," Javier nodded, "Funeral was flooded with law enforcement from across the country.  Sounds like Alexis's husband got a proper send off."

 

"How is she?"

 

"Holding up as well as she can," Javier told him.  "I feel bad for her."

 

"Yeah, of course.  Her husband just died."

 

"You don't know?  Ry, she was standing across the street when it happened."

 

"What?" Kevin's heart stuttered.

 

"Yeah.  She was helping out EMS when the building blew."

 

"Wow, that's rough," Kevin ran his hands through his hair, "Was she injured in the blast?"

 

"Beckett said she got scratched up but nothing serious," Javier sat down and leaned back in his chair.  "Beckett said Castle's trying to talk Alexis into moving back here."

 

"Think that's going to happen?"

 

"I don't know," Javier shook his head.  "Lanie and I were going down there next month to visit.  Guess that's not happening now."

 

"I've always thought about going myself," Kevin admitted.

 

"I can't see you at Mardi Gras," Javier laughed.

 

"Good point," Kevin snorted.

 

“I’ll be back,” Javier stood up again when his phone buzzed.

 

Kevin nodded and then turned back to his computer.  He typed in Alexis’s name and three birth certificates popped up.  He chose Hunter’s and looked at the date before he closed his eyes and leaned back.  The dates fit.  Alexis had been pregnant when she left New York.  Hunter was his son.

 

“Dammit Alexis,” he hissed.

 


	3. Chapter 2

"Morning," Castle said to Alexis when she entered the kitchen. "Kate just took the boys to the park."

"Is Maggie still sleeping?" Alexis went straight for the coffee.

"Yeah," Castle nodded. "Speaking of, how'd you sleep?"

"Okay, I guess."

"Lex, you don't need to put on a brave face for me," Castle told her, "I'm here for you for whatever you need."

"Honestly? I keep thinking I'm going to turn over and Chris will be there," Alexis admitted.

"That's perfectly normal," Rick told her.

"I miss him so much," Alexis began to tear up.

"I know you do," Rick hugged her.

"How'd you do it, Dad?" Alexis sat on a stool at the counter. "After things fell apart with Mom and then Gina, how did you get used to sleeping alone?"

"You just do," he shrugged, "There's no magic recipe."

"God, I can feel him everywhere," Alexis wrapped her arms around herself, "How do I pick up and go on when I can smell him on the sheets?"

"I might have a solution to that," Rick admitted.

"Wash the sheets?" Alexis posed sarcastically.

"It's a start," Rick nodded, "But I was thinking something a bit more thorough."

"This is about New York again," she groaned, "Do you really want to do this now?"

"I talked to Lanie last night. Perlmutter's retiring," Castle started. "She knows your work, and she talked to the head of the M.E.'s office. He's seen your transcripts and your work from the Jefferson Parish office. Not to mention Loretta sings your praises."

"You talked to Loretta? Dad, really?"

"I simply wanted you to have options," Castle defended his actions, "Only you know what is best for you and your children, but what’s keeping you in New Orleans?

"I have a job," Alexis reminded him. "The kids are in school."

"And when the year ends," Castle prodded her, "Chris's family is in Alabama. Yours is in New York. Are you going to be able to juggle three children and a full time job all on your own? The better question, why should you juggle three children and a full time job, when you have so many people in New York that would love to help out?"

"Dad, I can't go back," Alexis shook her head, "There's too many bad memories there. There are the memories of Gram and K...Hunter's father. I can't risk running into him."

"Sweetheart, it's been eight years. What are the odds that he's still in New York?"

Better than you know, Alexis thought to herself.

"Dad, it's just," Alexis shook her head and took in her surroundings. This was her home, her home with Chris and their children. How could she even think about leaving?

Castle suddenly understood, "It doesn't matter where you are, he's going to be with you."

"How would the children adjust to New York? New Orleans is all they've ever known."

"It'll just be a different kind of crazy than they're used to."

"I do miss New York," Alexis conceded, "And the summers here can be unbearable with all the heat and humidity."

"So, you'll think about it?"

"I'll think about it," Alexis nodded, "But don't get your hopes up."

"Too late," Castle smiled.

-d-d-d-

 _"Esposito,"_ Javier answered.

"Hey Espo," Kate said as she sat in Alexis's living room.

 _"Hey, Beckett, how's New Orleans?"_ Javier asked.

"Hot," Kate muttered. "Don’t these people know it's almost winter?"

 _"Send some of that heat our way,"_ Javier requested, _"It's like the Arctic up here."_

Kate smiled a little, "How's it going up there? Am I missing anything?"

 _"Just the stick up Ryan's ass,"_ Javier said quietly.

"What's going on with him?" Kate inquired.

_"Your guess is as good as mine. I tried asking. He just glared at me."_

"We're going to be here for a little longer than expected. You and Ryan going to be able to handle things until we get back?"

_"Yeah, I think we'll be alright. How's Alexis?"_

"She's doing as well as expected," Kate replied, "Rick thinks she's going to move back to New York after the school term. He's already contacted a realtor to find her an apartment near ours."

 _"That's good,"_ Javier nodded. _"Is she gonna take the job in the ME's office?"_

"She is if Castle has anything to say about it," Kate sighed.

_"Tell her we're…well I'm glad she's coming back. It would take a miracle for Ryan to be glad about anything right now."_

"Do me a favor and take whatever stick is up Ryan's butt out before I get back...oh and if you could look in on my dad and the kids."

_"No problem. I'll go over there after work with pizza. Maybe I'll stay the night and let your dad go home."_

"Just be careful, okay? Remember the last time you baby-sat for the kids? You were tied to a chair by the time Castle and I got home."

 _"Give me some credit,"_ Javier scoffed, _"I wouldn't let those rugrats tie me up a second time."_

"I'll believe it when I don't see it."

_"Take care, Beckett, and don't worry about anything up this way. We got you covered until you get back."_

"Thanks, Javi. Bye," Kate said before they hung up.

-d-d-d-

Javier hung up his phone and caught sight of his partner walking towards him.

"What's up?" Kevin glanced at his partner, "We catch a case?"

"No. That was Beckett," Esposito said.

Kevin nodded as he turned away from Javier, "How's it going down there?"

"She and Castle are going to be down there for a bit longer," Espo relayed. "Castle is trying to talk Alexis to return to New York and take the opening M.E. job."

"Perlmutter's really doing it, huh?" Kevin smirked. "I thought he'd die in autopsy."

"Guess not," Javi tapped at his desk with his pen, "Do you think Lex will come back?"

"I don't know," Kevin shrugged. "She's been gone a long time."

"Remember how freaked Castle was when she got married?" Javier grinned.

"He wasn't the only one," Kevin muttered under his breath.

"What?" Javier frowned.

"Just thinking out loud. Nothing important," Kevin said. "Beckett mention how the kids are dealing?"

"Not really," Javi responded, "But they're probably dealing with it about as well as any kid would with losing their father so young."

"Yeah," Kevin looked to Beckett's desk, focusing on the frame he knew held the picture of Alexis and Hunter, the boy with his blue eyes.

"Did Castle ever mention who Hunter's father is?" Javi followed Kevin's gaze, "I mean it doesn't take a genius to figure out that it had to be someone here in New York. She didn't meet Chris until later."

"Not to me," Kevin shook his head and avoided Javier's gaze. He'd never told his partner about his relationship with Alexis.

"Heaven help the man if Castle ever gets his hands on him," Javier snorted in amusement.

"Yeah," Kevin nodded. "I don't think there's a more overprotective father than Rick Castle."

"What's up with you?" Javier asked, "You're in a mood. Even Lanie's PMS moods don't swing this violently."

"Nothing," Kevin shook his head. "Speaking of Lanie, isn't she expecting you for dinner?"

"Are you keeping things from me?" Javier studied his partner's nervous posture.

"Like what?" Kevin said looking at him.

"You tell me," Javier eyed him.

"I'm fine," Kevin said. "I'm gonna go. I've got an appointment."

"An appointment for what?" Javier followed Kevin to the elevator.

"Dentist," Kevin said. "And I'm late. So are you."

"Don't think this is over, Ryan," Javier continued to stare Kevin down when they climbed into the elevator.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"For someone who used to work undercover, you're a bad liar."

"For someone that used to be Special Forces, you don't know what the hell you're talking about," Ryan replied.

"Fine. We both know that sooner or later, you're going to tell me what's going on."

"Do we?"

"Yep, because you can't keep things to yourself. It's a byproduct of having so many sisters. You can't help it."

"You're crazy."

"Fine, keep playing it cool," Javi shrugged, "You'll cave eventually."

"Believe whatever you want," Kevin was relieved with the elevator opened to the ground floor, and he was able to escape his partner's interrogation.

Truth was, he wanted someone that he could talk to about his problem, and Javier was the natural choice. He just didn't know if he could trust him to keep the knowledge to himself considering how closely he worked with both Castle and Beckett.

"See you tomorrow," Javier said as they parted ways at the street.

"Night, Bro," Kevin waved as he walked away.

Kevin took his cell phone out and mapped the directions he needed. The lawyer he was about to see was about two blocks away.

It was time to end the farce that was his marriage.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=

"I can stay," Castle said as he hugged his daughter.

"Kate has work and if you don't go home and start writing, Gina's going to come here. I cannot deal with one of your fights right now," Alexis smiled.

"If you or the children need anything, I can be on the first flight out," Castle hugged her again before hugging his grandchildren, "Now you three be good for Mommy."

Hunter looked at his grandpa, "We will, Grandpa."

Kate hugged Alexis, "Call if you need to talk, okay? I know it's not the same, but I think I can understand better than your dad."

"Thanks, Kate," Alexis hugged her tight, "Hug my siblings for me."

"You can hug them for yourself if you move back to New York," Castle chimed in. He hadn't missed an opportunity to prod her into returning to New York.

"Dad, if you keep bugging me about moving back to New York, the kids and I are moving to Hawaii," Alexis told him.

"Deal," Kate's eyes went wide with intrigue, "We'll join you."

"I can apply to work for NCIS Pearl Harbor," Alexis giggled.

"And I can work with McGarrett and Williams," Kate smiled.

"No," Castle shut down the thought at the mention of Steve McGarrett. He couldn't take another round of that ruggedly good looking Hawaii cop that his wife and daughter had drooled over.

"Oh Dad, McGarrett does not go for married women, and his wife would kill him if he tried."

"No," Castle repeated himself.

"You're no fun," Kate frowned.

"I disagree. I think I'm a lot of fun," Castle smirked.

"I think you're fun, Grandpa," Maggie raised her arms to him so she could have another hug.

"Thank you, Miss Maggie," Castle scooped her up. "Do you know that your great grandma would love that we call you Miss Maggie?"

"How come?"

"Because she was an actress, and one of her favorite roles was playing Maggie in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof," Castle smiled.

"I love that picture of her," Alexis smiled.

"Me too," Kate agreed.

Maggie hugged her grandfather tight.

Hunter and Cade stood close to Alexis while Maggie was transferred to Kate to hug her goodbye.

"Give Grandpa his last hugs," Alexis instructed her sons, "We'd better let them get on the plane."

Hunter and Cade hugged Castle tightly as they whispered goodbye while Kate gave Maggie to Alexis.

"No matter what time it is," Kate whispered in Alexis's ear. "Just pick up the phone."

"I will, I promise," she replied.

"I love you, Bud," Kate smiled.

"Love you too," Alexis hugged Kate once more. "Call me when you land in New York."

"We will," Kate promised. "Ready, Castle?"

"One more hug," Castle replied as he hugged his oldest child and then his grandchildren in turn.

"Go," Alexis laughed as she shoved him towards the security line.

They watched them enter the airport and then Alexis herded the kids to the car to take them home.

=d=d=d=d=

"God, it is freezing out," Kate said as she got off the elevator. "Castle, bug Alexis about moving up here some more. Maybe she'll make good on her Hawaii threat. Then we can all move."

Rick laughed while he pulled out his phone to text Alexis that they'd arrived safe and sound in New York.

"Daddy!" Jo ran straight for her father. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Jo," Rick scooped her up. "Were you good for Grandpa?"

"Yep," she nodded her head vigorously.

"I agree," Jim entered the room. "She even untied Esposito after her brothers played cowboys and Indians."

"I knew it," Kate smirked. "Jamie? Ian? Come give us hugs."

The boys came running in to greet their parents.

"What did you bring us?" Jo asked her mother as she leapt from one parent to the other.

"We brought beads, so we can make Mardi Gras necklaces," Castle smiled. "And beignet mix for breakfast. Also, some masks."

"Gimme, gimme, gimme," Jo responded eagerly. It was a few moments before it occurred to her to add a sugary sweet, "Please."

"Come on," Rick took Jo back from Kate and put her over his shoulder. "Let's start with the beads."

"I should call the station," Kate picked up her cell phone.

 _"Ryan,"_ Kevin answered.

"Hey," Kate said.

 _"Hey, Beckett,"_ Kevin greeted her, _"How was the flight?"_

"Very uneventful," Kate commented as she started going through the mail. "How's work? You guys doing okay?"

 _"We caught a couple of cases, but nothing too exciting,"_ Kevin responded, _"They're on the D.A.'s desk ready for them to wrap up."_

"So, you don't need me right now?"

 _"You're safe until tomorrow,"_ Kevin assured her.

"If anything changes, I'm only a call away," Kate replied.

 _"Hey, Beckett,"_ Kevin caught her before she hung up, _"How's Alexis doing?"_

"She's putting up a pretty good front," Kate made sure Rick wasn't listening. "But between us, I didn't want to leave her anymore than Castle did."

 _"Is she going to be okay?"_ Kevin's voice caught in his throat.

"She's going to need some time," Kate replied, "She's still in shock, I think."

 _"Yeah, it's gotta be tough to lose someone the way she did,"_ Kevin commented, trying not to think about how much pain Alexis must be in. _"I can't even imagine what she's going through."_

"Ryan, why don't you call her? You guys were friends."

 _"She doesn't want to hear from me,"_ Kevin shook off the suggestion.

"Can't hurt to call," Kate responded, "I can give you her number. It changed after she left New York. I don't think she'd mind if you had it."

Kevin closed his eyes remembering the first time he'd called Alexis after she'd left only to get the no longer in service message.

"Kevin? Hey, you still there?"

 _"Yeah, still here,"_ Kevin responded quickly.

"I'll text you the number," Kate offered.

 _"Yeah, okay,"_ Kevin said. Who said he had to use it?

"I'll be in the office first thing in the morning," Kate responded, "Night, Ryan."

_"Night, Beckett. See you tomorrow."_

-d-d-d-

After hanging up the phone, Kevin made sure he was alone before he opened the bottom drawer of his desk and put his hand straight down until he felt the frame at the bottom. He carefully pulled it out and looked at the picture he'd hidden away.

It was a picture of him and Alexis at a carnival. They'd gone to one of those instant photo booths and took two sets of pictures, one for him and one for her. He often wondered what had happened to her set.

He knew he couldn't keep the pictures at home, so he'd buried them in his desk, only digging them out during the worst days.

She looked so beautiful. He could remember that day with perfect clarity. They'd eaten bad food and ridden every ride they could. Then they'd gone back to the loft and made love.

He could still hear the sounds she made in those passionate moments. They’d haunted his dreams since she left and recently his waking moments. He kept spinning around the idea that she might return to New York.

He knew that if she didn't, he was going to her. They were going to work this out. They were going to do what they should've done eight years ago.

He tucked back the picture and pulled out the papers he'd been given at his lawyer's office and began to read through them. He wasn't asking for much. He wanted joint custody of their daughter. He was giving Jenny their apartment and most of their possessions. He wanted to make the separation as painless as possible for all involved.

He had talked to his mother the night before and though, as a Catholic, she wasn't thrilled with the prospect of divorce, she knew that something had been missing from her son's marriage for a long time. She wasn't about to make him stay with someone just because the church said divorce was a sin.

Kevin glanced at the clock. Regrettably it was time to return home. He put the papers in his drawer and locked it. He'd finish reading through them tomorrow if they didn't catch a case.

Picking up his jacket, he headed for the elevator.

"Ryan, have you heard from Beckett?" Gates stopped him.

"Yes, Sir," Kevin nodded, "She just called. Her and Castle are home. She'll be in first thing in the morning."

"And how is her stepdaughter?"

"Doing as well as expected, I guess," Kevin rubbed at the back of his neck.

"Right. Well, good night," Gates said. "Careful going home. It's starting to ice up out there."

"Thanks for the warning," Kevin replied, "You too."

Gates gave him a nod as she went back into her office, and Kevin entered the elevator. He pressed the button for the lobby and leaned back against the wall.

His phone alerted him to a new message. It was Kate giving him Alexis's number. His finger twitched to call it. He fought the impulse with the knowledge that both he and Alexis were too raw right now for a civil conversation.

He'd been so angry since he'd found out about his son. How could Alexis withhold something so important from him?

And yet some part of him wouldn't shut up about how scared she had to have been when she found out. She'd been twenty-two and sleeping with a married man who was also one of her dad's best friends. Castle would've happily shot him, and Beckett would’ve helped her husband hide the body.

Leaving for New Orleans couldn't have been easy for her. He should have followed his heart. He should have gone after her. He kicked himself nearly every day for not doing so. Since he'd found out about his son, he'd begun kicking himself a bit harder.

Now...now, Alexis was a widow with three children under the age of ten. She'd seen the building her husband had been in explode. If she'd been closer she might have died herself.

He wanted to hop on a plane and just wrap her in his arms, but he wondered how she'd react. Would she fall into his arms, slap him across the face, or kick him in the family jewels?

As he crossed the precinct lobby, putting his gloves on, readying himself for the biting cold of the winter night, he could only hope that when they did come face to face again, that Alexis would at least smile at him.


	4. Chapter 3

Alexis flew through the doors of the morgue and threw her bag across the room.

 

Sebastian eyed the M.E. curiously. “Alexis?”

 

“He’s gonna get someone killed.”

 

“Who, King?”

 

“Yes,” she pulled on her lab coat, “He doesn’t give a damn about anyone’s safety. He nearly got Meredith killed today.”

 

“Is she okay?”

 

“Yes, thank God,” Alexis shook her head.

 

“That’s good, right?”

 

“Sebastian-”

 

King burst through the doors with rage, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

 

“Me?”

 

“Yeah, you,” King stepped towards her with the intent of giving her a good scolding.

 

“I guess I have a problem with you getting into a needless shoot out that almost gets a close friend of mine killed,” Alexis refused to back down, “I am not going to stand in another cemetery and wonder where you are while I watch Meredith’s parents bury another daughter.”

 

“Dr. LaSalle,” Loretta Wade cautioned the younger woman upon exiting her office after overhearing the commotion.

 

“No, don’t defend him Dr. Wade,” Alexis interrupted her boss, “His recklessness is going to get someone killed. I’m not going to just sit back and watch it happen.”

 

“Take a deep breath, both of you,” Loretta instructed them before King could go on another attack, “You’re both still reeling. You don’t want to say something you’ll regret.”

 

“Sebastian, how much vacation time do I have accrued?”

 

“Uh,” Sebastian slid across the room in his air towards the computer and pressed some buttons. “Two and a half months.”

 

“Good. Put it in for me starting tomorrow. Dr. Wade, this is my notice. I quit.”

 

“Alexis,” Dr. Wade pulled her aside, “Now isn’t the time to be making this decision. I went against my instincts in letting you return so quickly after everything. It’s only been a week.”

 

“You know that I couldn’t just stay in the house and stare at the walls,” Alexis spoke quietly.

 

“Take some time,” Doctor Wade advised her, “This isn’t the time to end a promising career.”

 

“This is the perfect time,” Alexis peeled off her lab coat and returned it to its hook, “I can be in New York for Christmas.”

 

“Alexis,” Dr. Wade approached her.

 

Alexis turned to King, “My kids adore you. You delivered my first son. You’re his godfather. Chris looked at you like a father. You got him through the darkest time of his life. Because of all of that, I’ve kept my mouth shut every time you’ve disappointed my kids since their father died, but I am not going to stay here and watch you get yourself or someone else killed. If you want to say goodbye to the kids, we’re leaving on the twentieth.”

 

“Alexis,” Dr. Wade called out to her a second time just as Alexis was leaving Autopsy.

 

“You taught me a lot,” Alexis turned to the older woman. “I’m grateful, but I can’t stay here.”

 

“If you change your mind in a week or a month or six months,” Dr. Wade offered, “We will hold your place for you.”

 

Alexis hugged her and then Sebastian, “Cade’s gonna miss you the most, you know that, right?”

 

“Take care, Lex,” Sebastian nodded, “If you need anything...”

 

“I’ll be alright,” she smiled.

 

Alexis walked out of the morgue and took out her phone. She dialed Lanie.

 

_“Hello?”_

 

“Is the job my father told me about still available?”

 

_“Alexis?”_ Lanie was taken aback by the familiar voice, _“Is that you?”_

 

“Yes, sorry. Hi, Lanie. How are you?”

 

_“I’m better now,”_ Lanie’s voice smiled through their connection, _“How are you holding up?”_

 

“I’ve been better,” she admitted, “I...ah...I just quit my job.”

 

_“Oh,”_ Lanie’s tone was surprised. _“I see.”_

 

Alexis narrowed her eyes at Lanie’s tone and the obvious pause. Then she laughed, “Hi, Dad. Hi, Kate. You guys at a scene or the morgue?”

 

_“Scene…Alexis, as much as we’d love you to come home, are you sure you should be making this decision so quickly?”_ her father spoke up.

 

“Wasn’t it just last week where you were nearly begging me to move back?” Alexis frowned in disappointment, “Or did I hallucinate?”

 

_“Ignore him, Bud,”_ Kate said. _“What can we do?”_

 

“Well, Lanie can answer my question. Is the job still available?”

 

_“Job’s yours if you want it,”_ Lanie replied, _“We have a bit of time until Perlmutter retires, so you don’t need to start right away. I’m sure you’ll have plenty to do in the interim.”_

 

“I plan to be back in the city by Christmas. I’m off to a realtor right now to put the house on the market.”

 

_“Alexis, are you sure this is what you want?”_ Castle chimed in.

 

“Yes,” Alexis felt herself choke up, “I need to do this, Daddy.”

 

_“I’ll fly down next week to help you pack,”_ Castle said. _“We’ll drive back.”_

 

“Thank you,” Alexis smiled to herself, “We’ll work out the details a bit later.”

 

_“Okay. See you soon,”_ Castle said. _“Bye, Sweetheart.”_

 

“Bye. Bye, Lanie. Bye, Kate,” she said.

 

_“Bye,”_ the girls chorused.

 

-d-d-d-

 

“She’s coming home,” Castle gave the ladies a wide grin.

 

“We heard,” Kate said dryly.

 

“Who’s coming home?” Ryan asked as he walked over.

 

“Alexis,” Lanie chimed in, “She apparently just quit her job.”

 

Ryan nearly hyperventilated as he processed the news.

 

“You okay?” Kate stared at him.

 

“Yeah,” Kevin reached out to steady himself, “Must be coming down with something.”

 

“You’re having a weird winter, Ryan,” Kate frowned. This was the second time he’d come down with an illness in a month. “Anyways, she’ll be home for Christmas. We should have some people over on Christmas Eve.”

 

“Wonderful idea,” Castle grinned, “Christmas Eve at our place. Everyone is invited. Just bring yourselves, your significant others, and your kids. Kate and I will handle the rest.”

 

“Um, Castle, only Kevin has kids or rather a kid,” Beckett corrected him with a chuckle. “The rest are ours.”

 

“You know what I mean,” Castle gave his wife a look.

 

Kate nodded, “I just think it’ll be better for people to be around. Make it a little less empty for Alexis.”

 

“I think Jenny has already made plans for our Christmas Eve,” Kevin spoke up, barely able to hear his own voice as his heart was hammering in his ears.

 

“Let us know when you find out for sure. I’d love for you to meet my grandkids,” Castle smiled.

 

“Yeah, I’ll let you know,” he nodded.

 

“Lanie?” Kate raised an eyebrow, “You and Javi have plans?”

 

“I don’t know about Javi, but I’m there,” the woman smiled. “I can’t wait to see my girl, Alexis, again, and meet hers kids, especially Maggie. That girl is her mom’s mini me.”

 

“Yeah, her mother’s looks with Martha’s attitude,” Kate smirked.

 

“She’s a hoot,” Castle beamed with grandfatherly pride.

 

“What are the boys like?” Kevin asked quietly.

 

“Cade is a rough and tumble kid kinda like his dad,” Kate replied, “He loves to get dirty and run about. Hunter is a bit more reserved, quiet even, but he’s super smart.”

 

“Sounds like some good kids,” Kevin smiled a little.

 

“They’re great kids,” Kate amended, “You’ll see for yourself soon.”

 

“Can’t wait,” Kevin nodded before he went to talk to the CSU tech.

 

-d-d-d

 

Alexis ran her hand over a pile of Christopher’s shirts that rested in a box. The material was soft and worn. She pulled one out and slid into it. She thought it would be a good idea to donate his clothes to charity, but she couldn’t bring herself to follow through.

 

_You always look better in my shirts than I do._

 

“Everything okay in here, Sweetheart?” Castle walked into her bedroom to check on her.

 

“Yeah, just packing,” she wiped her eyes.

 

“Is that Chris’s shirt?” Castle noted her sudden wardrobe change.

 

“Yeah,” Alexis brought the cuffs to her nose to inhale her husband’s scent, “I’m going to keep a couple of his shirts and sweatshirts. The kids might want them when they’re older.”

 

“Do you mind if I take this hat?” Rick reached for the NCIS hat in a different pile.

 

“Go ahead,” Alexis smiled. “He always said you would’ve made a hell of an agent.”

 

Castle smiled, “Think Hunter will follow in his footsteps?”

 

“Oh yeah,” Alexis nodded, “He’s already talking about it. He couldn’t wait until he was old enough for Chris to take him to the shooting range…I guess I’ll need to find someone else to take him.”

 

“I’m sure Beckett would jump at the chance, and she’s a very patient teacher.”

 

“Chris thought Kate was the coolest mother-in-law ever,” Alexis smiled. “Even when she pulled the rifle on him before she knew who he was when you first visited me.”

 

“That’s my wife,” he beamed with pride.

 

“You got lucky, Dad,” Alexis smiled. “You found her at just the right time.”

 

“Don’t I know it,” he found a photo album on Alexis’s dresser. He thumbed through it to find it was her wedding album. “Where did you want this?”

 

“Get it out of my sight,” Alexis said shaking her head upon realizing what he was looking at.

 

“Alexis, but it’s your…” he began.

 

“I know what it is,” she felt herself choking up, “I just can’t see it right now.”

 

“Alright, Sweetheart,” Castle agreed. “What did you want to do for dinner?”

 

“Tacos sound good,” she replied.

 

“Alright,” Castle smiled. “I’ll go get some.”

 

“See if the boys want to go with you.”

 

Maggie came running into her mother’s bedroom and wrapped her arms around her neck, “I can’t find Mr. Beary.”

 

“He’s already packed, Miss Maggie,” Alexis tapped at her daughter’s nose.

 

“Oh,” Maggie frowned. “Mama, when are we leaving?”

 

“Day after tomorrow,” Alexis said. “Two more sleeps.”

 

“Do you need Mr. Beary right now?” Rick asked his granddaughter.

 

“He gets scared in the dark,” Maggie nodded her head vigorously.

 

“Well, we can’t have that,” Rick offered her his hand, “How about we rescue Mr. Beary, and then I’ll take the boys to get dinner? We’re getting tacos.”

 

“Yummy!” Maggie danced happily as she took her grandpa’s hand.

 

Alexis gave her father a grateful smile as she continued packing.

 

She walked into the closet and found the last of the boxes in the corner. She opened it to see what was in it and closed her eyes when she realized why it was shoved into the corner. She hadn’t opened this box since she left New York. It was full of memories of her relationship with Kevin.

 

She quickly put the lid back on and added it to the boxes to be loaded into the truck. She’d been avoiding the thoughts of him as she prepared to return to New York. It was best to keep him out of her mind. She knew she’d inevitably run into him. She didn’t know how she would react, but she didn’t want to spend time worrying about it just yet.

 

She walked back into her room and picked up a picture of Hunter. Her son’s blue eyes stared back at her and for just a second Kevin’s face flashed in her mind’s eye.

 

“Give me strength to get through this, Chris,” Alexis looked towards the heavens.

 

_I’m always with you, Darling._

 

-d-d-d-

 

Kevin stared out the car window at the snow flurries as Javier drove them towards the station.

 

“You’re quiet, Partner,” Javi made note, “Everything okay?”

 

“Just thinking,” Kevin said. “You going to Castle’s for Christmas Eve?”

 

“Was planning on it,” Javi nodded, “You?”

 

“Jenny wants us to go to her folks’,” Kevin said. “We’re negotiating.”

 

“You gotta come,” Javi responded, “Lessen the blow for when Lanie gets disappointed by the gift I give her.”

 

“You didn’t get her a frying pan again, did you?”

 

“Give me some credit,” Javier snorted, “I’m not going to give her something she can turn into a weapon and hit me with later.”

 

“It was funny watching you explain the bruise to Gates,” Kevin smirked.

 

“Come on, Partner,” Javi pleaded with him, “Don’t make me beg.”

 

“I’ll see if Jenny would mind if I went to Castle’s instead of her folks’,” Kevin relented.

 

“If she says no, give her my number. I’ll convince her.”

 

“The last time I let you talk to her, she made me sleep on the couch,” he reminded him.

 

“At least it’s a comfortable couch.”

 

“Not after a week,” Kevin shook his head.

 

“Just tell her that it’s a special occasion,” Javier told him.

 

“Isn’t Christmas always a special occasion?”

 

“Well, it’s a more special occasion because Alexis is coming home. There needs to be a lot of people around, so she doesn’t dwell on the fact that it’s the first Christmas without her husband.”

 

“I don’t know how much help I’ll be,” Kevin rubbed at his neck, “I haven’t seen or heard from her in eight years.”

 

“What’s up with that anyways?” Javier frowned at Kevin. “You guys were friends. She moves, and you avoid all contact with her.”

 

“You get busy and things just slip away,” Kevin said.

 

“It’s weird.”

 

“It happens,” Kevin ran his finger down the rubber edge of the car window, “Our lives just went in different directions.”

 

“You okay, Man?” Javier prodded his partner.

 

“Yeah,” Kevin nodded, “Just thinking.”

 

“Care to share?” Javi asked.

 

“Not right now,” Kevin shook his head.

 

“Whatever it is, you know I got your back,” Javier gave him a quick look.

 

“Yeah, I know,” Kevin nodded. “Thanks, Bro.”

 

Javier decided to try and distract his friend, “Any ideas what I should get Lanie for Christmas?”

 

“Nothing that can be used in a kitchen,” Kevin smirked.

 

“What are you getting Jenny?” he asked, “Maybe I can borrow the idea.”

 

“She’s been dropping hints about a bracelet she saw when she was shopping with her mother.”

 

“Jewelry and Christmas,” Javi winced, “That’s a bad combination.”

 

“Only if it’s a ring,” Kevin said.

 

“That’s not going to happen,” Javier insisted.

 

“Well, not with me and Jenny. I gave her a ring a long time ago,” Kevin reminded his friend. “You were five feet away, remember?”

 

“Yeah, I remember,” Javi chuckled, “I often wonder if you just did it so that she’d stop thinking you cheated on her.”

 

“I loved her,” Kevin shook his head.

 

“Only good reason to get married,” Javier nodded completely missing the past tense of his partner’s statement. “You okay, Man? You’ve been weird lately.”

 

“Yeah,” he tried to shake himself out of his funk, “It’s been a weird few months.”

 

“Weird how?” Javier pressed.

 

“Me and Jenny,” he replied, “We’re having...no, never mind.”

 

“Spill, Bro,” Javier gave him a look. “I’ve bitched to you enough times about my love life. I think I can handle the tales of a married couple.”

 

“We’re having problems,” Kevin sighed while he spun his ring around his finger, fighting the itch he hand to yank it off and throw it out the window, “We’re just going through the motions. She feels like a stranger rather than my wife.”

 

“How long has it been like this?”

 

“A while,” Kevin admitted, trying not to think about the last time he’d been really happy.

 

“A while as in months?” Javi asked, “Have you tried couples’ therapy?”

 

“You sound like my mother-in-law,” Kevin rolled his eyes.

 

“Sorry,” Javi responded, “If you want to moan and groan, I’m there for you, like I was...what was it...eight years ago when you went through something else kinda like this?”

 

“Yeah, it was a long time ago,” Kevin avoided eye contact with Javier as he tried not to think about the absolute misery he’d felt the day Castle had come into the office and told them Alexis was gone.

 

“Is Sarah Grace excited for Christmas?” Javi tried to change the conversation to something he knew Kevin liked to talk about.

 

“Yeah. I think she’s outgrown the Santa Claus bit, but she’s looking forward to the holiday.”

 

“Ah, man, I didn’t ruin it for her when I dressed up as Santa last year, did I?”

 

“Oh, she loved that,” Kevin laughed. “By the way, thanks for taking the suit off before you had the beer.”

 

“Figured it wouldn’t be good for children to see Santa getting drunk so close to Christmas Eve,” he chuckled.

 

“I wonder if Alexis’s kids still believe in Santa,” Kevin thought out loud.

 

“I’m sure at least her youngest does,” Javier responded, “She’s what two...three?”

 

“Four,” Kevin corrected. “She and Jo are only about a month apart.”

 

“I’m horrible with that stuff,” Javier responded, “Sarah Grace is eight, nine?”

 

“She’s ten,” Kevin looked at his friend.

 

“Wow, time flies,” Javier pulled into a vacant spot at the station and threw the car into park.

 

“Yeah, seems like yesterday we almost burned to death the night my daughter was born,” Kevin recalled.

 

“Don’t remind me,” Javier replied, “I still have nightmares about that night.”

 

“Tell me about it,” Kevin got out of the car.

 

_You never have to hide things from me, Kevin. It was probably the worst night of your life wrapped up in what became the best. If you want to talk, I’m here._

 

“Hey, Beckett,” Javi greeted her when they stepped out of the elevator, “Castle back from New Orleans yet?”

 

“They called an hour ago. They were in D.C. With any luck, I’ll be sleeping with my husband tonight.”

 

“Will Alexis be staying with you until she finds a place?” Javier asked while shedding his jacket.

 

“Yep, Alexis and her kids,” Kate nodded. “The loft is going to be crowded.”

 

“Castle hasn’t found her a place yet?” Kevin asked.

 

“He wants her close, but she wants a place like she and Chris had in New Orleans with a backyard.”

 

“Is it even possible to find what Alexis had in New Orleans?” Javi asked.

 

“Yes, if she goes to Long Island or Brooklyn or Queens,” Kate said. “Castle however wants her close which means apartment.”

 

“I’m betting Castle wins that battle,” Javi chuckled, “Or at least tip the odds in his favor.”

 

Kate looked around them and then leaned in close, “He’s going to make it her Christmas gift if she fights him.”

 

“Sounds like Castle.”

 

“He’s just worried about her being alone.”

 

“She has the kids,” Javi reminded her, “She won’t be alone until they go to college.”

 

“You know what I mean,” Kate said. “Honestly, I’m kinda on his side. I was this close to a leave of absence.”

 

“She really that bad?” Kevin’s eyes oozed with concern.

 

“I don’t know if she’s that bad, or if I didn’t want to leave her alone for me. Lex isn’t just my stepdaughter. She’s my friend. If she’d been any closer to that building, Castle and I might have been the ones who were moving.”

 

Kevin looked away. He didn’t even want to think about that possibility.

 

“She’ll be here soon,” Esposito put a hand on Kate’s shoulder. “Any word from her mother?”

 

“Meredith sent a telegram,” Kate frowned.

 

“Some things never change,” Javier shook his head.

 

“When does she start at the M.E.’s office?” Kevin asked.

 

“Perlmutter’s last day is officially December 31. Lex starts on January 1.”

 

“Wow, that’s pretty quick,” Kevin replied, “Is she going to be settled by then?”

 

“Personally, I think she’s trying to keep herself busy, so she doesn’t have time to think.”

 

“It’s going to hit her eventually,” Javier responded.

 

“And when it does, she’ll be here,” Kate said, “With us. Instead of New Orleans with just her kids.”

 

They were interrupted from any further discussion by Gates who was calling them into her office to discuss a new case.

 

=c=c=c=c=

 

Alexis looked out the window at the passing scenery while her dad navigated the city traffic.

 

Aside from scolding the children when they moaned and groaned along the way, Alexis didn’t have much to say.

 

Fortunately Maggie had fallen asleep about ten minutes ago and the boys were reading and listening to their iPods.

 

“You’re quiet,” Castle felt the need to point out.

 

“Just tired,” Alexis covered, “Driving across country will do that to you.”

 

“Not to mention packing up the house,” Castle nodded. “And avoiding whoever keeps calling your cell phone.”

 

“It’s King. I’m not ready to talk to him,” Alexis glanced at her phone, “He’s the one that couldn’t even bother to say goodbye to his godson.”

 

“Maybe he’s trying to apologize,” Castle pointed out.

 

“Or yell at me,” Alexis said. “I called the Director after I quit.”

 

“You’re trying to look after those you care about, King included,” Castle rationalized her behavior, “He’ll see that…eventually.”

 

“I couldn’t let him get anyone killed. He blames himself for Chris, I get that. But Meredith’s parents already buried a daughter. I don’t want them burying another one.”

 

“And he’ll get over it,” Castle replied.

 

“Would you?”

 

“If it was someone I knew had my best interest at heart,” Rick nodded.

 

“Thanks, Dad,” Alexis smiled at him. “Do you want me to drive?”

 

“In this traffic, no thanks,” Castle shook his head, “I’d rather be at the controls.”

 

“Okay,” Alexis nodded. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been this far north.”

 

“Temperature is starting to plunge. I hope you brought your long johns because you’re going to need them,” he chuckled.

 

“I kinda missed having snow during the winter,” Alexis admitted.

 

“Hold that thought when your teeth are rattling,” he replied.

 

“Mags has never even seen snow,” Alexis turned towards her sleeping daughter, “It’s going to be fun watching her build a snowman.”

 

“She does love Frozen,” Castle smiled.

 

“Don’t, please don’t,” Alexis shook her head. “I love my daughter but I’ve seen that movie one too many times. She will sing those songs until your ears bleed.”

 

“If she sounds anything like your mother when she sings, I believe it,” Castle smirked.

 

“Her voice is more like Gram’s,” Alexis smiled, “Although it could use a bit of training.”

 

“Maybe it’s a good thing I held onto the studio,” Castle said.

 

“You never sold it?” Alexis asked.

 

“Couldn’t bring myself to do it,” he shook his head, “It’s gathering dust, but it was her sanctuary. It would be like losing her all over again.”

 

“I miss her, too,” Alexis nodded. “The first time I went to Cafe DuMonde, I remembered that story she told me about the summer before she got pregnant with you and the company she was with performed down there.”

 

“She had a story for everywhere,” Castle smiled, “It was one of her many charms.”

 

“Remember the times she would make us go to Serendipity whenever we were all single on Valentine’s Day?”

 

“Which was more years than I would like to admit to,” he laughed, “She loved that frozen hot chocolate.”

 

“We should do that this year,” Alexis said. “Maybe not on the actual holiday but the day before or after. We could take all the kids.”

 

“That’s a lot of kids,” Rick chuckled, “But I’m game if you are.”

 

“We’ll take Kate for back-up,” Alexis smiled.

 

“And her taser,” Castle nodded.

 

“I am not tasing my children,” Alexis scoffed.

 

“We won’t actually tase them,” Castle nodded. “We’ll just threaten to.”

 

“Hunter is too smart to fall for that,” Alexis chuckled, “He’d see it in our eyes that we had no intention.”

 

“Yeah,” Castle nodded as he shot a look at his oldest grandson in the rearview, “Kid has a good head on his shoulders. He’s a lot like you.”

 

“I don’t know about that, Dad,” she sighed, “I’ve made some questionable choices in my past.”

 

“Well, one of them led to my grandson, so I can’t be too angry about it.”

 

“If only you knew,” she mumbled under her breath.

 

“Any chance you’ll ever tell me about his papa?” Castle asked quietly.

 

“Not right now,” Alexis said.

 

“Is he someone that you’re going to be seeing when we get back to New York?”

 

“Like you said, it’s been eight years,” Alexis said. “What are the odds he’s still there?”

 

“Lex, I wish you trusted me with what you went through,” Castle replied, “Did it end badly? Did he hurt you? Was he married?”

 

“Dad, not now, okay?”

 

“Hunter doesn’t know?” Castle asked quietly.

 

“No,” Alexis shook her head. “But just to answer one of your questions, I did the hurting.”

 

“I find that hard to believe,” Castle shook his head.

 

“I was really awful to him,” Alexis admitted. “I hurt us both. It was part of the reason Christopher had such a hard time convincing me to give him a chance.”

 

“If you ever want to see him, we just happen to know someone that is good at tracking people down,” Castle reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze.

 

“Thanks, Dad,” Alexis smiled a little before she looked out the window at the skyline. The sun was setting over the city. “We’re just in time to see the city wake up.”

 

-d-d-d-

 

Kevin looked out the window of the conference room watching the lights of the city become visible. Alexis had always said it was like watching someone wake up.

 

“Hey, Castle, welcome back, Man,” Javi extended his hand, “How was the drive back?”

 

“Not bad,” Castle shook his friend’s hand. “Where’s my wife?”

 

“Where is she always?” Javi nodded towards the observation room, “Put the fear of god into some poor unsuspecting suspect.”

 

“Okay, tell her I’ll be back in an hour to get her for dinner,” Castle checked his watch. “Alexis and the kids are downstairs in the car. I figured if she was done for the day we could just go right from here. Since she’s not, we’ll go to the loft and unload the car.”

 

“Alexis is outside?” Javi’s eyes brightened, “I’ll walk you down. I’d love to see her.”

 

“Yeah, come on.”

 

“Hey, Castle,” Kevin greeted him in the hallway, “Back already?”

 

“Yeah, we’re going down so I can say hi to Alexis. You wanna come with?”

 

“I can’t.”

 

“What do you mean, you can’t?” Javi scoffed, “Come on, it’s Alexis.”

 

“I missed a call from Jenny. I need to call her back.”

 

“Yet another reason that I’m not married,” Javi shook his head.

 

“You’re not married because no one will have you,” Kevin took a playful shot at his partner.

 

“Funny,” Javier shot him a look as the elevator doors closed behind him and Castle leaving Ryan alone.

 

Kevin clutched his phone tight, nearly breaking it in half as he went to the window. He could see Alexis getting out of the car to greet his partner with a hug and a gigantic smile.

 

He turned his back and leaned against the wall letting himself slide to the floor.

 

He sat there staring at nothing for a while, trying not to think about the happy reunion that was going on outside.

 

“Ryan,” Beckett was attempting to get his attention. “You alright?”

 

“Yeah,” Kevin nodded. He held up his phone. “Just trying for some privacy.”

 

“On the floor?” she eyed him skeptically, “There’s a chair right over there.”

 

“No one can see me down here,” Kevin said as he got up.

 

“What going on that you need extra privacy?” Beckett asked.

 

“Just a conversation with Jenny,” Kevin nodded. “Castle was just here.”

 

“Shoot, I missed them,” Beckett frowned, “Did he bring Alexis and the kids up?”

 

“No, they stayed in the car. Javi went to say hi.”

 

“Maybe I can catch them,” Kate glanced outside to see Javi and Alexis still laughing and talking.

 

Kevin followed her gaze and then made himself look away, “If you hurry you might be able to.”

 

“You coming?” Kate walked to the elevator.

 

“I gotta go to the bathroom. I’ll see her later.”

 

“Alright,” Kate mashed the elevator button and waited for the car.

 

“See you tomorrow,” Kevin walked towards the men’s room.

 

“Night, Ryan,” she nodded.

 

Once inside the men’s room, Kevin checked the stalls and then locked the door before he leaned against the wall and got his breathing under control.

 

She was back in New York.

 

 


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the 2nd version of this chapter. The first one we wrote didn’t really sit right with us. It also happens to be my favorite so far. Let me know if you guys agree and thanks for all the replies last time.

Kevin took a deep breath and knocked on the door to Castle’s loft.

It opened. He opened his mouth to greet Castle or Beckett but was staring at a blank space.

“Who are you?” 

Kevin looked down to see a little redhead in a pure white dress looking at him with an adorable frown. She’d clearly been expecting someone else, Santa perhaps.

“Maggie Mae,” Castle laughed when he came up behind her and lifted the little girl into his arms, “Where are your manners, Little Lady?”

“Sorry, Grandpa,” she apologized before she looked at Kevin. “Hello. I’m Maggie.”

“Hi, Maggie,” Kevin extended his hand to her, “I’m Kevin. I work with your grandma and grandpa.”

“Oh, like Uncle Javi?”

“A little better than Uncle Javi,” Kevin corrected her, “That’s a pretty dress you have on. I know my daughter would like a dress like that.”

“Granny Merrie sent it to me,” Maggie smiled. “She’s in- where is she again, Grandpa?”

“California,” Castle responded.

“It’s a long ways away,” Maggie told Kevin.

“I know,” Kevin bit his lip in amusement.

“Grandpa, I want popcorn. Can you put me down, please?”

“Don’t eat too much,” Rick conceded to her request, “Dinner won’t be too long.”

“Merry Christmas, Castle,” Kevin extended his hand.

“Merry Christmas. Come in,” Rick invited.

“She’s adorable,” Kevin nodded towards Maggie.

“She’s so much like her mother at that age,” Rick watched Maggie work the room.

“Speaking of,” Kevin looked around the room, hoping for a glimpse of Alexis but not seeing her.

“Kitchen,” Castle pointed. “She and Lanie are making cider.”

Kevin contemplated his options. He could be the adult and just walk over and welcome her back to New York, or he could do the cowardly thing and simply avoid her. He chose the latter.

“Hey, Ryan,” Kate smiled at her friend. “Can I take your coat?”

“Hey, thanks, Kate,” he greeted her with a kiss to the cheek before handing over his coat, “The place looks great.”

“I had nothing to do with it. Rick and Alexis played Santa’s helpers today with the kids,” Kate took his coat and headed for the master bedroom.

“It kept them entertained,” Castle said as he handed Ryan a beer.

“Thanks,” Kevin lifted his beer in thanks before he went off to speak to his partner. “Hey, Espo. Merry Christmas.”

“Hey, I was starting to think you weren’t gonna show,” Javier shook his hand. “No Jenny?”

“Nah, she took Sarah Grace to her parents’ place,” Kevin explained before greeting Lanie with a kiss to her cheek, “Merry Christmas, Lanie.”

“Merry Christmas, Kevin,” the doctor smiled at him. “I’m glad to see you.”

“You too,” he nodded, “How’d my partner do with the gift this year? He vowed no frying pan.”

Lanie giggled, “He went with an antique set of scalpels. I was very impressed.”

“That’s remarkably well thought out, Espo,” Kevin patted his friend’s back, “I’m impressed.”

“Thank you,” Javier smiled before he looked over at Alexis. “Hey Lanie, how’s she doing?”

“A little quiet,” Lanie nodded. “But I actually think this is helping.”

“You talked to her yet?” Javier asked his partner.

“No,” Kevin shook his head.

“Since when are you shy, Ryan?” Javier snorted with amusement.

“I’m not being shy,” Kevin shook his head. “I just don’t want to bother her.”

“Come on, Detective,” Lanie linked arms with him, “I’ll introduce you.”

“Lanie, we’ve met,” Kevin resisted her attempts to lead him in Alexis’s direction.

“Then, I’ll help you say hello,” Lanie smiled at him before she looked towards the spot Alexis had just been and frowned. “Where’d she go?”

“Maybe she’s avoiding Ryan,” Javi chuckled.

“Funny,” Kevin shook his head while looking around. He saw her go into her dad’s office. “Why don’t you two go test out the mistletoe?”

“Good idea, Partner,” Javier pulled Lanie in the opposite direction.

Kevin adjusted his tie before stepping towards Alexis. There was no point in putting off their interaction any longer. People might become suspicious, and that was the last thing either of them wanted.

Just as he stepped forward, Hunter came careening past him with Cade on his heels, and Kevin stopped moving. For a moment he was sure he stopped breathing.

“You okay, Ryan?” Beckett came towards him upon seeing his distress, “You still not feeling well?”

“I’m fine. You know what, I haven’t said hello to Alexis yet. I think I saw her go into Castle’s office. Excuse me for a moment,” Kevin said before he walked towards Castle’s office.

Alexis could sense Kevin’s presence before he made himself know.

“Hey, Kev,” she spoke without turning towards him.

“How are you, Lex?” he closed the door and leaned against it.

“Hanging in there,” she turned towards him, “You?”

“I’m okay,” he nodded.

“You look good,” she smiled slightly, “How’s Sarah Grace?”

“She’s good,” he nodded. “I’m sorry about Christopher.”

“Thank you,” she said.

She turned towards the pictures again, not wanting to run the risk of making eye contact. He’d always had a way of locking eyes and finding a way to stare into her soul. Her frazzled state couldn’t handle it.

“I hear you’re joining Lanie in the M.E.’s office,” Kevin took a step towards her. His hand gravitated towards the small of her back, but he resisted at the last moment.

“Yeah, it was time for a change,” Alexis said. “I couldn’t stay in New Orleans any longer.”

“I can imagine how difficult it must be for you and your children,” he swallowed hard on the last bit.

“Kevin, about Hunter...” she began.

“Don’t,” he cut her off, “We can do that another time.”

“But he’s...” she began again.

“I know,” he responded, “Or rather I just figured it out, but now isn’t the time. After the holidays, maybe when you’ve had some time to adjust.”

“You really think time is going to help?” she asked. “Because so far, time and distance haven’t done anything for me.”

“You really want to do this now?”

“No,” she stammered as she turned towards him again. Her eyes locked with his. Nothing had changed in the way he looked at her. His feelings were still clearly there. The pain of all those years ago suddenly slammed into her with surprising force. It was all she could do to keep the tears at bay.

“Lex,” he stepped towards her. She backed away, colliding with the wall. He stopped. “How could you not tell me?”

“I’m sorry,” she shook as she spoke. She knew he’d never hurt her, but all the pain and anger of eight years ago on top of her grief was suddenly overwhelming. She could barely breathe. “I was scared.”

“Of what?” he couldn’t understand. “I loved you.”

“Of everything,” she wiped at the rogue tear that fell, “I was twenty-two and pregnant with a married man’s child. I didn’t know how you’d take it. I was afraid that you’d think I trapped you into a relationship...that I got pregnant on purpose so you’d leave Jenny.”

“You know me better than that. There was never any trapping,” Kevin shook his head. “I was where I wanted to be. I would’ve been with you because I wanted to, not because you’d gotten pregnant.”

“You didn’t come after me,” Alexis stated, “You knew where I was going, you could have...”

“You left,” he cut her off, “You told me to leave you alone. You just took off. You changed your phone number. I thought I was respecting your wishes. I thought you didn’t love me anymore.”

“Well, I guess we didn’t know each other as well as we thought,” Alexis said quietly. “Merry Christmas.”

She walked around him to get out of the office.

“Alexis wait,” he reached for her, but it was too late. She was gone...again.

He looked at the pictures on Castle’s wall and found a picture of Hunter from a previous Christmas. He reached out and lightly traced the boy’s face. The boy had his smile, his eyes.

“Not again,” he said quietly.

“You ready to eat, Partner,” Javi found Kevin in Castle’s office staring at the pictures.

“Yeah,” Kevin nodded.

“You alright?” Javi caught the turmoil in his partner’s eyes, “Is it about Jenny?”

“No, it’s not,” Kevin smiled. “I’m hungry.”

“Good,” Kate said. “Because we have lots of food.”

“Then let’s eat,” Kevin followed his hostess into the dining room where the parents were getting the children situated to eat.

“Miss Maggie, Mr. Beary will be fine on the couch. He loves the couch,” Castle smiled.

“Are you sure?” the little red head reluctantly followed her grandfather to the table, “He looks lonely.”

“He’ll talk to the pillows,” Alexis told her daughter. “I do it all the time.”

“What if he gets sad?” Maggie frowned, “The pillows won’t talk back.”

“I’ve got an idea,” Kate said. “Jo, where’s Miss Peep?”

“In my room,” her daughter responded.

“Go get her,” Kate motioned. “She can keep Mr. Beary company while we eat.”

“Okay,” Jo hopped off her chair and scurried towards her room.

“Kids have such vivid imaginations,” Castle commented while they waited for his youngest daughter to return.

“Yeah, just _kids_ ,” Javier snorted.

Alexis smiled as she took a seat on the other side of Lanie.

Once Jo had returned after setting her stuffed animal next to Maggie’s, the family said grace before dishing out their mean. The room was alive with animated conversation.

“Kate, where’s your dad?”

“Aunt Theresa’s,” Kate said. “He’ll be here tomorrow.”

“How’s he doing these days?” Javi asked while stuffing food into his mouth.

“He’s good. He’s glad to have his great-grandchildren back in town,” Kate smiled. “He can’t wait to spoil them along with his grandkids.”

“And those great-grandchildren will be happy to be spoiled,” Alexis chimed in.

“I don’t think Castle needs help spoiling Maggie,” Kevin nodded to his friend who was sneaking his granddaughter a sweet that Alexis has just told her she couldn’t eat.

“You’re not spoiled, are you, Mags?” Rick tickled his granddaughter.

“Nope,” the girl shook her head from side to side.

“You’re so spoiled,” Alexis tickled her other side.

Maggie giggled and snuggled into Rick to get away from her mom’s tickling hands.

Kevin watched Alexis with fascination. This was a side of her he’d never seen. She was a natural as a mother. It made his heart ache even more.

“Excuse me,” a boy said from his side. He found himself face to face with Hunter, who was standing in the space between his chair and Javi’s.

“Uh, can I help you?” Kevin stammered out.

“Can I have the rolls?”

“Sure, buddy, here you go,” Javier handed him the basket of rolls.

“Thanks Uncle Javi,” Hunter smiled before he went to sit with his brother again.

“You sure you’re feeling alright,” Javier nudged Kevin.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Kevin said while he looked across the table at Alexis, who had been watching the exchange.

“Excuse me,” she left the table abruptly.

“Alexis?” Castle looked worried.

“I’ll go,” Kate volunteered.

Kevin flinched in his chair. He’d wanted to be the one to comfort her despite how inappropriate it would have looked.

He watched Kate pass by Rick’s chair, a hand rubbing his shoulder gently for comfort and a stab of jealousy went through him. He wanted that. He wanted the wordless gestures and the time spent just being with each other. He hadn’t shared those with anyone in so long.

“You okay, Alexis?” Kate found her stepdaughter back in Castle’s office.

“I’m such a mess,” Alexis reached for a tissue to dry her eyes. “I’m all over the place with emotions. It’s worse than when I was pregnant with Cade.”

“Is there any chance you could be pregnant now?”

“No,” Alexis shook her head. “None.”

“Okay,” Kate took her at her word, “You have to go easy on yourself. You’re going through a lot right now.”

“I know,” Alexis sat in her dad’s chair and looked around. Then she started to laugh.

“What?”

“Gram,” Alexis shook her head. “She took over Dad’s office to write that one woman show of hers. When he read the script, he needed a bottle of scotch.”

“The whole thing where she slept with his agent?” Kate realized.

Alexis nodded.

“I thought Castle was going to die from humiliation,” Kate snickered.

Alexis snorted with laughter, “It was so funny.”

“I swear she lived just to put Castle in his place,” Kate laughed, “She was an expert at it.”

“God, I miss her right now,” Alexis sighed. “But at the same time, I see so much of her in Maggie that I would be frightened to have them know each other.”

“It would have been entertaining,” Kate placed an arm around Alexis’s shoulders.

“Yes, it would’ve been,” Alexis nodded her head.

“Come on,” Kate nudged her, “Let’s go back to the table and eat.”

“Go,” Alexis touched the tissue to her eyes again, “I’ll be there in a minute. I don’t want the kids to see me like this.”

“Okay,” Kate hugged her. “Take your time.”

“Kate, thanks,” Alexis smiled.

“Where’s Alexis?” Rick asked his wife when she returned to the table without his daughter.

“She’ll be here in a moment,” Kate gave him a reassuring smile.

“Okay?” Rick asked.

“She’s getting there,” Kate nodded.

Alexis returned to the table a few minutes later to be greeted by her daughter and the hug she offered.

“Thank you, Maggie Mae,” Alexis hugged her tight, “That’s the best Christmas gift I’ll get this year.”

“I guess I can take the one I bought back then,” Rick smiled.

“Don’t even think about it, Dad,” Alexis told him.

Dinner concluded shortly thereafter and after dinner drinks were poured.

Alexis was sitting on a stool watching the scene her dad and all the kids were making. Kate and Lanie were over by the piano teasing Javier.

“You okay?” Kevin brought her a drink.

“Thanks. Yeah, I’m great.”

“You’re still a lousy liar,” he sat down next to her.

“I never could fool you, could I?” she took a sip of the offered drink. She smiled when she realized he still knew what her favorite alcoholic beverage was.

“Not from the first time we had coffee,” he gave her a sidelong look.

“It some ways it seems like a lifetime ago, and in other ways it seems like only yesterday,” she admitted.

“I miss it sometimes,” he confessed. “It was…”

“Simple,” she smiled.

“I was going to say special,” he replied.

“It was that, too,” she agreed.

Kevin looked to where Castle had Maggie and Jo behind the couch. They were planning something.

“What’s he up to?” Kevin motioned towards Castle and the girls.

“He’s teaching them how to get the boys,” Alexis smiled. “He does it because they’re outnumbered and younger.”

“Smart man,” Kevin chuckled, “Teach them to fend off boys early in life. I should have thought of that with Sarah Grace.”

“She’s ten. It’s not too late.”

“Good point,” he nodded, “I’ll have to get to work.”

“When in doubt, go for the instep,” Alexis replied, “They won’t expect it, and when they’re hopping around in pain is when you can hit them where it really counts.”

“Ouch. You’re vicious,” Kevin smirked. “Glad I stayed on your good side.”

“I seem to remember causing you a little physical pain,” Alexis smirked. “I did spill coffee on you.”

“I recovered quickly,” he winked at her.

Alexis looked at his arm which was visible now that his shirt sleeves were rolled up, “It healed nicely.”

“It was the gentle touch of the nurse that tended to me,” he winked a second time.

“Stop it,” she nudged him with her shoulder, “Someone is going to see that.”

“See what?”

“You acting like you are,” Alexis said. “Things are different now.”

“Different how?” he challenged her.

Alexis looked at Hunter, “He exists. That’s different.”

“Yeah, that is different,” Kevin agreed. “I know about him.”

“I wanted to tell you,” she glanced towards his hand, wanting desperately to hold it.

“Then why didn’t you?” he asked.

“It’s a long story.”

“I have time,” he told her.

“Another time,” she replied, “The children are going to want to get to bed soon.”

“I want to know him,” Kevin glanced towards his son.

“Not just yet,” she shook her head, “Chris just died. He needs to process that first.”

“I don’t mean as his-I just want to know who he is,” Kevin said.

“After the holidays,” she offered.

“Okay,” he nodded. “But I’m not going away, Lex, and I’m not letting go again.”

“I need time, Kev,” she swallowed hard.

“I’ll give it to you, because I’m gonna need time too.”

“For what?”

“To end my marriage,” Kevin said.

“Kev, don’t,” she scolded him, “Don’t do that...not for me.”

“It’s not just for you. It’s for us.”

“I can’t guarantee there will be an us.”

“I’m still going to try,” he chanced a brush of his fingers against her shoulder. The electric current that had always been between them, hit him in full force, and he knew that she felt it too.

Neither of them noticed Javier watching them from across the room. He had a pretty good vantage point from where he stood facing Lanie and Beckett, who had their backs to Alexis and Kevin.

There was a spark in Kevin’s eyes that Javier hadn’t seen in quite awhile...years in fact. He wondered if there was more going on between Alexis and Kevin than he’d ever realized.

“Javi, what do you think?” Lanie asked.

“Sorry, think about what?” he shifted his focus back to his girlfriend.

“Having New Year’s Eve at the Old Haunt,” Kate explained. “We close down the place and just have dinner.”

“I’m in,” Javier responded instantly, “Sounds like fun.”

“Good. It’ll be a nice way to end the year.”

“And start a new one,” he kissed Lanie’s cheek softly.

“Charmer,” Lanie smiled. “I need a refill.”

“One more,” Javi glanced at his watch, “We should be leaving the kids to get ready for Santa’s arrival soon.”

“Yeah. I think Maggie’s about to crash,” Kate looked over to where her granddaughter was fighting a losing battle.

“Come on, Peanut,” Alexis lifted the sleepy girl into her arms, “Let’s get you changed into your pajamas.”

“I’m not tired,” the little girl protested even though she was nearly asleep as her head came to rest against Alexis’s shoulder.

“I know, but remember the song? Jump in bed, cover up your head, ‘cause Santa Claus comes tonight,” Alexis sang softly as she carried her youngest upstairs.

The little girl muttered along until they were out of earshot.

“That’s my cue,” Kevin glanced at his watch, “I should be getting home. Sarah Grace and Jenny should be home by now.”

“I’ll get your coat,” Rick offered.

“I got it Castle,” Kevin headed for the master bedroom. “You’ve got your own daughter to put to bed.”

“Partner, I’ll walk you out,” Javi offered.

“What about my drink?” Lanie held up her glass.

“I’ll be right back for you, Darling,” he assured her.

“Yeah, you better.”

“I’m good to walk myself out,” Kevin grabbed his coat and felt for his gloves.

“Humor me,” Javi slapped at his back.

“Alright,” Kevin nodded as he buttoned himself up. On the walk out, Kevin asked, “What’s up, Partner?”

“After the holidays, you and me need to have a talk,” Javi motioned between the two of them.

“Alright,” Kevin nodded, curious as to the discussion his partner wanted to have. He thought perhaps it was relationship advice which would have been odd considering he’d just confessed to Javi that his relationship with Jenny was rocky. “See you in a couple of days. Merry Christmas.”

“You too,” Javi gave him a quick hug and watched him leave the building.

As Javier walked back into the elevator he had to wonder when the last time he’d seen Kevin smile like he had that night.

He put the thoughts out of his mind so that he could enjoy the holidays.


	6. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!

"Thank you," Kate said to the delivery boy when she handed him a tip.

"It's the job," the boy nodded as he pocketed the money, "Happy New Year."

"To you too," Kate smiled and closed the door with the stack of pizzas in her hand, "Kids, dinner."

"Did you get sausage?" Hunter came running in with an eager smile.

"Of course," she tapped his head with the boxes before handing them to him. "Think you can get these to the table without dropping them?"

Hunter was careful, and Kate smiled as he set the boxes down without incident. It was funny. Something about the way he walked reminded her of someone. She just couldn't put her finger on who he reminded her of.

"Kate, do you have any earrings I can borrow?" Alexis came into the entryway, "I don't even know where to start looking in all the boxes around here."

"Sure," Kate smiled while she took notice of the dress Alexis had on. "Lanie did good. That's a gorgeous dress."

"I feel half naked."

"You look great," Kate assured her.

"Thanks," Alexis smiled. "Where's Dad?"

"Probably getting the kids all riled up," Kate sighed, "I swear sometimes it feels like I'm raising four kids."

"I know the feeling," Alexis leaned against a column. "Chris used to rough house more than the boys sometimes."

"You almost ready?" Kate asked, "Lanie and Espo should be here soon. We're carpooling. Lanie volunteered to be the designated driver tonight."

"I was going to do that," Alexis frowned, "I didn't want to start my first day hung over."

"Lanie doesn't want to chance going overboard. Don't forget, we're also celebrating the end of Perlmutter."

"Wonder if we can keep Dad in line. Perlmutter wasn't exactly his favorite person," Alexis replied.

"He wasn't so bad," Kate amended. "He just never appreciated your dad."

"That's just wrong on so many levels," the daddy's girl in Alexis came out.

"He's an acquired taste," Kate wrapped an arm around her stepdaughter, "How about we wrestle him away from the kids so we can get on with our evening?"

"Good idea. I can't believe your dad volunteered to sit for all of them tonight."

"Aunt Theresa is joining him," Kate assured her, "They'll be more than up to the task of watching six kids."

"Can I borrow a coat? The one I bought is warm but not warm enough for this dress."

"Help yourself," Kate nodded, "I have dozens."

"Thank you," Alexis smiled as she headed for the coat closet. "I got rid of most of my warmer coats a long time ago. I didn't need them in New Orleans."

"You'll definitely need them here," Kate replied, "We'll have to go shopping soon."

"First time we both have a free day," Alexis nodded.

ding-dong

"That'll be Espo and Lanie. Castle! Our ride's here."

There was a chorus of groans from both Castle and the kids as he wrestled himself free.

The six of them came running into the entryway to say their farewells to their parents.

"Mommy, please can't we come?" Maggie looked at Alexis with hopeful eyes. Her mother was dressed all fancy, and she didn't want to miss out on the fun.

"Sorry, Peanut," Alexis kissed both of her cheeks, "But we're going to be out way past your bedtime. Besides you're going to have so much fun with Jo."

"But I want to go, too," Jo looked to Kate.

"Same goes for you," Kate kissed her own daughter.

"You don't want to leave Pop-pop here alone with all the boys do you?" Castle knelt between his daughter and granddaughter.

"No," the two spoke in unison.

"That's right," Kate said. "You two have to keep the boys from tying him up like they do Uncle Javi."

Maggie's pout was more pronounced than Jo's. She didn't like her mother going out, especially not without her father.

"Miss Maggie, I will call before you go to bed, okay?" Alexis smiled at her daughter. "I love you."

"I love you, Mommy," she tossed her arms around her mother's neck.

"Be good. That goes double for you boys," Alexis looked at Cade and Hunter. "Any bad reports and you two are grounded until Valentine's Day."

The boys nodded and followed their sister's lead of hugging their mom.

"Same goes for you two," Rick looked at his own boys.

They nodded in understanding.

"Anytime guys," Javier stated impatiently.

"Bye, Jim," Alexis waved.

Kate took a moment to say goodbye to her father and give him some last minute instructions.

"I knew that dress would be beautiful on you," Lanie took a moment to give herself credit for Alexis's outfit.

"Yeah, but I wish there was a bit more of it," Alexis pulled at the fabric a bit before slipping on her coat.

"Well-" Javier started.

"One word and you're start the new year in traction," Lanie said.

"I'll help her," Castle glared at his friend.

"Fine, I'll just go mute for the entire evening," Javi made a showing of zippering his lips.

"Good plan," Kate smirked.

-d-d-d-

"Wow, those are beautiful," Kate said of the flowers on the bar. "I didn't realize you were having the place decorated."

"We weren't," Castle eyed them curiously.

"They were left for Alexis," the bartender nodded in the red head's direction before gathering her belongings to leave for the evening.

"Me?" Alexis asked. "Is there a card?"

"There might have been when they left the flower shop, but they didn't arrive with one."

"Who would send me flowers?" she looked towards her father to see if he was the culprit.

"Not me," Castle shook his head.

"Weird," Alexis commented. "Oh well. At least they're pretty."

"So, where's Ryan? Aren't he and Jenny joining us?" Castle asked of Javier.

"Last I heard they were," Javier shrugged.

=d=d=d=d=

"No, Jenny, I am not coming home just so I can listen to you tell me again that you'd rather go to your sister's party instead of the Old Haunt. I'm spending tonight in the Old Haunt. You do what you want."

"More troubles, Partner?" Javi came up behind Kevin as he abruptly ended the call to his wife.

"Just a difference of opinion," Kevin said.

"You need to talk?" he asked.

"No," Kevin tucked his phone into his jacket. "I need to get drunk."

"Right this way," Javier opened the door to the bar.

"Hey, Ryan," Kate greeted him with a hug, "I was beginning to wonder if you'd join us. Where's Jenny?"

"Previous commitment," Kevin said. "You look great."

"Thanks," she replied, "Need a drink?"

"Absolutely," Kevin nodded.

"Go see my stepdaughter. She's playing bartender tonight."

"Drinks aren't going to be watered down tonight," Javi clapped Kevin's back.

"Damn," Kevin muttered under his breath when he saw Alexis's dress.

"Don't make any comments on the dress. Castle's touchy about it."

"Thanks for the warning," Kevin replied, "You need anything, Javi?"

"Just filled up," Javier showed off his drink.

"Evening," Kevin ambled up to the bar.

"What can I get for you, Flatfoot?"

"Flatfoot?" he raised a curious brow.

"Gumshoe?" Alexis tried. "Sorry. Noir marathon the other day with my dad."

"Ready to start work tomorrow?" he chuckled.

"God yes," she sighed.

"Bored?"

"And tired of my dad's hovering," Alexis confessed.

"Castle's got that overprotective father thing down pat. I feel bad for Jo when she gets older."

"So do I," Alexis nodded.

"That's a nice dress," Kevin motioned towards her attire, "Not your usual style though."

"Lanie gave it to me," Alexis said.

"Of course," Kevin nodded. "Nice flowers."

"Yeah," Alexis agreed. "Thanks by the way."

"What's that mean?" he tilted his head to the side in confusion, "I didn't send you any flowers."

"They're not from you?" Alexis looked confused.

"No," he shook his head, "I get that they're my style, but I didn't send them this time. Wish I had."

"Dad swears they weren't from him and they're not from you," Alexis looked worried now.

_Ring-ring_

"That's me," Alexis reached under the bar and grabbed her purse, digging out her cell phone. "Oh. I'll be right back."

"Take your time," Kevin waited patiently for her to return so he could get a drink.

Alexis headed for the office.

Kevin checked his watch after a while and saw it was going on ten minutes since Alexis had disappeared into the office. He decided to check on her.

"Thanks for calling, Meredith," Alexis was pacing around in circles, "Have a Happy New Year."

"Everything okay?" Kevin asked after she hung up. He heard Meredith and immediately thought of Alexis's mother, but then thought better of it. She had never called Meredith by her given name. It must have been a friend from New Orleans.

Alexis looked up, "Yeah. Just some news."

"Good news, I hope," Kevin leaned against the doorframe.

"Yeah," Alexis nodded. "Found out who the flowers are from."

"Don't keep me in suspense," Kevin replied, "I'd like to know who the competition is."

"Chris's old boss," Alexis smiled. "He did it to let me know he was better now."

"Seems a little overboard for an old boss," Kevin stated.

"We got into it just before I left," she admitted, "The fight was the reason I ended up quitting and moving home."

Kevin came took a step further into the office and closed the door, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Alexis released a heavy sigh, "After Chris died, his boss, King, went off the deep end, straight into the bottom of any alcohol bottle he could get his hands on. He even missed Chris's funeral because he was more interesting in getting his load on. A week or so later, he chased after a suspect and just opened fire in a bad part of town. It turned into a shootout that almost got Chris's partner, Meredith, shot. I lost it. We exchanged words, and I quit."

"Jeez," Kevin said after a moment. "Lex, I'm sorry. You and your kids deserved better."

"But sounds like King's back on the wagon now so to speak," Alexis replied, "The flowers were his way of apologizing."

"Sad but true, cops tend to use the bottle to escape," Kevin admitted quietly.

"Oh, speaking of which, you came to the bar for a drink. What will it be?" Alexis went toward the door.

"Lex, we need to talk," he reached for her hand.

"Kev, our family is waiting outside that door. Now's not the best time for an in-depth discussion," Alexis said, but she didn't pull her hand away.

"Then pick a day and time," he held her hand tight, "I meant what I said at Christmas. I'm not giving up on us."

"I wish you were a little more of a jerk about things. It would make it so much easier not to like you," Alexis said.

"I'm not that guy," he reminded her, "Please, Lex. You owe me at least a discussion."

"I know I do, but do you really want to have it tonight?"

"It can be any night," he offered her a temporary out, "But please don't brush me off."

"I can't brush you off," Alexis reminded him. "You're like one of those thorny balls that get stuck on clothes."

"Dinner," he stated hopefully, "Any night within the next week. No expectations. Just two friends catching up after eight years."

"Okay," Alexis nodded. "Jenny's not coming tonight?"

"No," he shook his head, "We aren't really seeing eye to eye right now."

"I'm sorry," Alexis said. "I really am."

"This is a long time coming," Kevin waved off her need for an apology, "This goes back before you and me."

"Still sucks," Alexis frowned. "That means you don't have someone to kiss at midnight."

"I'll kiss Javi," he shrugged, "He'll enjoy it."

Alexis giggled, "Lanie might not be happy. You can give me a kiss, if you want."

"Tempting," he shook off the suggestion while his eyes trailed down her figure to appreciate the dress she was wearing without risk of injury at the hands of her overprotective father, "But that would be highly inappropriate. I wouldn't be able to stop with a simple kiss to the cheek."

"I don't think I said it had to be on the cheek," Alexis smiled a little.

Kevin's eyes closed as the images of them together flooded his mind. "You're playing with fire, Castle."

"LaSalle," she corrected him softly.

"Right," he nodded. "Sorry."

"It's okay. It happens. You've known me for a long time."

"We'd better get out there before someone comes looking for us," he swallowed hard.

"Yeah. I owe you a drink."

"Especially since it's on Castle's tab."

"What are you drinking?" Alexis asked as she returned to her place behind the bar.

"I'll take a beer," Kevin nodded.

"You can do better than that," she challenged him.

"Scotch," he smiled.

"On the rocks, like usual?" she asked.

"Please," Kevin nodded.

"Coming up."

"Hey, there you are," Javier joined the two. "Thought you ran off."

"No, I had a phone call and Kevin had to use the facilities."

"Come on you two," Javi motioned for them to follow, "Castle is threatening to pull out the karaoke machine. Help me and Kate talk him out of it."

"Dad, really? Every time you pull that thing out, you end up singing _Piano Man_ and crying," Alexis followed the boys.

"I was going to mix it up tonight," Castle vowed.

"Dad, do you remember what happened when you and Kate visited me and Chris a few years ago? We took you guys to that bar. You got up for the karaoke contest, and we all ended up in the emergency room because you needed stitches."

"That wasn't my fault," Castle defended himself.

"Really?" Kate said. "I think it was considering you heckled the six foot SWAT officer as he sang."

"He sang my song. What was I supposed to do?"

"Pick another song," Alexis and Kate said in unison.

"I'm open to suggestions," Castle stated finally, "We've got a couple hours until midnight. How should we fill them?"

"Dinner, maybe some dancing," Kate said.

"Bad jokes and old stories or old jokes and bad stories," Alexis filled in.

"You asked for it," Castle replied. He had dozens of stories he could share and even more jokes.

"Food first," Lanie said.

"I'll see what I can rustle us up in the kitchen," Castle quickly disappeared.

"We have to hide this," Alexis pointed to the karaoke machine. "And Lanie, don't think I don't know that this was partly your idea."

"All I said was that we needed some entertainment before the ball dropped. He thought up karaoke all on his own," Lanie replied.

"Why didn't you discourage him before he got the machine out?" Kate asked.

"You know how he gets," Lanie replied.

"Come on Espo, let's put this somewhere so Castle doesn't get any bright ideas later," Kevin said.

"Thank you," Alexis mouthed.

"With pleasure," Javi followed his partner's lead.

"Let's get refills," Kate said to the girls.

Alexis went behind the bar again and filled everyone's drinks while they waited for Castle to return.

"What happened to the jukebox?" Alexis looked around them.

"You remember Karpowski's brother? Shy guy, couldn't get a date," Esposito filled in.

"Right."

"They switched him to vice which improved his confidence enough to talk to girls, he managed to get engaged, and his bachelor party turned into a brawl that took out the jukebox."

"That's a shame," Alexis frowned, "We need to get Dad to replace it."

"Well, for the time being," Kate leaned over the bar and found the switch, "We still have the stereo."

"How about a dance?" Javi extended his hand to Alexis.

"It'd be a pleasure, Detective," Alexis smiled as she took his hand.

"And what am I, chopped liver?" Lanie looked at her date for the evening.

"Lady looked like she needed to dance," Javier explained.

"Do you mind, Lanie?"

"Go," Lanie waved them off.

Kevin quickly masked the jealousy he felt when Javier pulled Alexis into his arms and began swaying to the music.

"C'mon Ryan," Kate grabbed his hand. "We haven't danced since your wedding."

"Watch your toes," he warned her, "I'm no Fred Astaire."

"You're not so bad, certainly no worse than Castle," Kate commented as they began their own dance. "You wanna talk about it?"

"Talk about what?" he asked.

"Life, love, why your wife isn't here," Kate said quietly.

"We're going through some stuff," Kevin admitted.

Kate let go of his hand and linked her hands at the base of his neck, "This isn't recent, is it?"

"No," Kevin admitted.

"As a woman, I can offer advice from our perspective, if you want help."

"I appreciate the offer, Beckett, but this is something I have to figure out on my own."

"I'm sorry, Kevin," Kate said. "But if it helps, while there are times when I want to strangle Rick, there isn't anyone I'd rather be with at the end of the day."

"Yeah, I know the feeling," Kevin nodded as he eyes Alexis over Kate's shoulder.

"It's been good having Alexis home," Kate followed Kevin's eyes, "I think it's been good for her too."

"Yeah, it's good seeing her face again. I wish she'd smile a little more."

"That's going to take time," Kate sighed.

"Okay, we have dinner," Castle brought in boxes of Chinese, buckets of chicken, and bags with burgers and fries.

"What did you do? Call for take-out?" Alexis laughed at the offerings.

"No, I went up the street and made my way down."

"Figures," Kate shook her head, "Put it on the bar. I'll get plates."

"I got it, Kate," Alexis volunteered.

"Thanks, Bud," Kate called after her.

"I'll give her a hand," Kevin walked after her.

In the kitchen, Alexis was grabbing clean plates when Kevin came up behind her, nearly startling her into dropping the plates on the floor.

"Sorry," Kevin said sheepishly. "I guess you didn't hear the door."

"Kevin, I got this," she assured him when he tried to take the plates out of her hands.

"I want to help," Kevin told her.

"Fine," she handed them over before they fell to the floor and created unwanted attention.

"Thank you," Kevin replied when Alexis grabbed silverware as he started to walk out.

"Wait," Alexis said.

He turned around, "Yes?"

"You can't keep doing this."

"Doing what?" he looked to her in confusion.

"Following me around. Getting me alone. People are going to start wondering why the very married Kevin Ryan is following around his best friend's daughter."

"I'm just being helpful," Kevin responded, "It's what a gentleman does."

"And following me into the back office before?"

"You're right," he responded after a moment, "I'm sorry, I'll stop."

"It's not that I don't appreciate you caring or like talking to you, it's just I want to tell my dad what happened between us on my own terms. I don't want him finding out because he overhears a conversation he shouldn't."

"I know," he nodded, "I don't want that either, especially since it's my neck on the line too."

Alexis stepped closer to him and gently laid a hand on the side of his face, "Kate told me she gave you my number."

"Yeah," he closed his eyes reflexively at her touch.

"Use it," she smiled. "I'd like my friend back."

"Friends have coffee, right?"

"Yes, they do. They also give each other small kisses at midnight on New Year's."

"Do you really think I'll be able to restrain myself?" he chuckled.

"With my father nearby, yes," she nodded, "Otherwise that neck you were worried about will be rung, and not in a pleasant way. Come on, let's go eat."

"After you," he motioned her with his head.

"Gentleman to the end," Alexis backed into the kitchen door and let him through with the plates.

"Finally, I'm starving," Javier called.

"Keep your pants on, Espo," Alexis rolled her eyes, "We were gone for all of two minutes."

"Bar or tables?" Castle asked.

"Bar," Alexis took a seat and grabbed a burger.

"So, who has a resolution that they're willing to share?" Beckett asked.

"I resolve to move out of the loft before Valentine's Day," Alexis smiled sweetly.

"I resolve to make sure that you stay on the island," Castle challenged his daughter.

"Dad, I am not having this argument again. Someone, anyone, help."

"I resolve to back up my partner, no matter what," Espo chimed in, hoping to save Alexis from another argument with her father.

"You made that resolution last year, Javi," Kevin called out his partner.

"And last year was the first time I kept a resolution," Javier responded, "Stick with what you know, Bro."

"Kate? You started this."

"I resolve to keep Castle out of his daughter's business," Kate replied, "By reminding him that she is a grown woman with her own family and able to make her own choices."

"You're my favorite stepmother. Don't tell Gina," Alexis giggled.

"Kevin?" Espo prodded his partner.

"I resolve to make the woman I love smile at least once a day," Kevin nodded.

"Jenny's a lucky girl," Kate smiled.

"That leaves you, Lanie," Alexis ducked her head.

"I resolve to spend less time with dead people," Lanie smiled.

After they'd finished their dinner and cleaned up, Alexis wandered over to the pool table. She ran her fingers over the wood and frowned.

"Dad, did you get a new table?"

"Yeah," Rick confirmed, "Same bar fight that took out the jukebox took out the pool table."

"That's a shame," Alexis frowned, "I always liked that table."

"Me too," Kevin smiled at Alexis. "I had that thing mapped out. I couldn't lose."

"Is that so?" Rick's ears perked up, "Up for a game, Ryan?"

"Rick, why don't you change your resolution to not making a fool of yourself?" Kate said.

"What do you say, Detective?" Rick continued to bait him, "Say a buck a ball?"

"Dad, I've seen you play pool. I've heard stories about Ryan playing pool. Just give him your wallet now," Alexis advised as she took a seat.

"Come on, Castle, it's the holidays," Kevin tried to get out of the challenge, "Let's just keep it friendly tonight."

"What's the matter, Detective?" Castle refused to back down, "Scared I'll beat you?"

"I'd be more worried that you lose your next book advance," Kevin responded confidently.

"Take him for it, Ry," Esposito called out.

"We tried, Kate," Alexis shrugged. "Drink?"

"Yeah, we're going to need it," Kate replied, "Your dad just doesn't know when to walk away."

"Well, if he'd walked away when you told him to, my siblings wouldn't exist."

"Fair point," Kate laughed.

"You going to break, Castle?" Kevin sifted through the cue sticks until he found one that he liked.

_Alright, you take the cue like this and line up your shot._

 _You're enjoying this, aren't you?_

"You first," Castle motioned.

"No, I think you should break," Kevin replied, "Once I get going, you're not going to get a turn."

"Someone's sure of himself," Castle smirked.

"Kevin seems awfully confident," Kate turned towards Alexis. "Is he some sort of pool shark?"

"You know as much as I do," Alexis bit her lip to keep from laughing. Technically, she wasn't supposed to know how skilled he was.

"My boy can play," Javier said quietly. "Castle's going to lose big time."

"This is going to be expensive, isn't it," Kate groaned.

"Dad can afford it," Alexis laughed at the look on her stepmother's face.

"I know, but I just wish he'd listen once in a while when we tell him something's a bad idea," Kate frowned.

"You married him," Lanie reminded her.

"I wish someone would have told me what a bad idea that was," Kate laughed.

"Liar," Alexis teased. "You'd marry my dad over and over again."

"Sad but true."

"Maybe you should take it easy on him," Alexis spoke quietly to Kevin while he chalked his cue stick.

"I'll make it look good," he winked at her.

"You're mean," Alexis frowned.

"I was easy on you," he reminded her.

"We weren't playing for a buck a ball," she replied.

"No, we played for something much more interesting."

Alexis could feel the flush starting to spread across her face as she recalled how their pool lesson had ended.

"I miss that table, too," he whispered before he turned to face the table.

Rick had broken the table and balls scattered about, but none had gone in.

"Get comfortable, Castle," Kevin rolled up his sleeves to take his turn.

"Oh this isn't going to end well," Alexis leaned against the wall to watch her dad's ego take a beating.

Kevin promptly ran the table.

"Damn," Lanie drawled. "You've been holding out on us, Ryan."

"I had a life before you all knew me," Kevin re-chalked his stick while Javier racked up the balls.

"You play pool, Alexis?" Lanie asked.

"No, I'm getter at darts," she said.

"How about we play for quarters?" Lanie suggested.

"Sounds good to me," Alexis nodded as she set up the board. "Javi? Kate? You want in?"

"I'm good," Javi filled up his mug with beer, "I think I'm going to watch my boy wipe the floor with Castle."

"I'm in," Kate replied.

"You two play first," Alexis said. "I'll play winner."

"You first, Beckett," Lanie stated.

"I'm not getting hustled here, am I, Lanie?"

"By little ol' me?" Lanie winked.

Alexis giggled as she took a seat in a booth to watch.

Lanie didn't know what hit her as Kate ended up being the pro.

She looked back at the pool table as Kevin leaned over to take a shot. He caught her eye and smiled as he took his shot.

Alexis felt herself blushing.

_On the table? That's what you want?_

 _That's what I want._

"Okay, you win," Lanie was saying. "Alexis, you're up."

"I hope you're up for this, Bud," Kate smiled confidently, "It's been awhile, hasn't it?"

"Yeah, it has. I haven't played in a while," Alexis said innocently.

Kevin watched them set up for another round with a grin. He knew that look in Alexis's eyes.

"Get her, Girl," Lanie encouraged Alexis.

Alexis took her first shot and smiled.

"Where'd you learn to do that?" Kate's jaw dropped as Alexis had made the most difficult shot on the board.

"I can tell you, but then I'd have to kill you," Alexis responded cryptically.

Lanie giggled.

"I think I should just give you my money now," Kate frowned.

"Not a good night for the Beckett-Castle bank accounts," Lanie laughed.

"You ain't kidding," Javier took a seat with Lanie. "Kevin just beat Castle again."

"Javi, you want to play Alexis? You're pretty good at darts," Kate asked.

"No thanks," Javi responded, "I much prefer to keep my money in my pocket."

"Smart man," Lanie nodded.

"You giving up, Kate?"

"Yes," Kate nodded and handed the money she'd won from Lanie to Alexis. "Well done, Bud."

"First round of coffee is on me tomorrow, Lanie," Alexis tucked the money into her dress.

"I don't drink coffee, but I will take a bear claw."

"Deal," Alexis nodded.

"Alright, you two," Kate told the two bantering pool players, "Let's call this game off before Castle loses the kids' college tuitions."

"Darn, I was this close to getting Sarah Grace's paid off," Kevin teased.

"Where'd you learn to play like that, Ryan?" Castle tossed his stick on the table in forfeit.

"My uncles," Kevin admitted. "I grew up playing in their basements."

"Well, I'm never going to get suckered into that again," Castle pulled out his wallet and handed Kevin several bills.

"The ball is about to drop," Kate glanced at her watch.

"Turn on the radio," Rick said.

Alexis leaned behind the bar and played with the dials for a moment before she got a countdown.

Kate and Lanie immediately darted over to their significant others in preparation for their midnight kisses as they waited for the final countdown to start.

"Guess that leaves you and me," Kevin saddled him next to Alexis.

"Behave," she gave him a stern warning before nodding towards her father.

"Right," Kevin nodded.

"Just consider how much you like your tongue," Alexis advised.

"Excuse me?"

"If you used it, Dad will most likely cut it out."

"Fair enough," Kevin laughed.

"Ten…nine…eight…" Lanie began to count along with the radio.

"Seven…six…five," Alexis joined her.

"Happy New Year, Alexis," Kevin stated just as she got to one. He leaned in and kissed her cheek.

Alexis's eyes fluttered before she turned to look at him, "Happy New Year, Kevin."

"It's going to be a good year," he touched her chin gently, knowing that everyone else's attention was on their more traditional kisses.

"I hope so," she nodded, putting her hand around his wrist.

-d-d-d-d-d-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tongue conversation is my little tribute to a truly nasty little video on YouTube with Seamus in it. Also I had to mention Piano Man. That is one of my favorite scenes in Castle History. RIP Montgomery.


	8. Chapter 7

Javier walked across the bullpen to his desk after lunch one day and accidentally knocked a stack of files and papers off of Kevin’s desk.

“Damn,” he cursed as he crouched down to pick everything up as Kevin walked up behind him.

“What happened?”

“Sorry. I guess I walked too close to your desk,” Javier apologized as Kevin knelt down to help him. “I got it, Bro.”

“No, it’s fine,” Kevin said.

Javier randomly glanced at some papers he was picking up and saw the legalese on it, “You being sued or something?”

“What?” Kevin looked over at what Javier had in his hands. “Oh. Javi, you weren’t supposed to see those.”

“What the hell is this all about?” Javier noticed the ‘Decree of Divorce’ at the top of the paper.

Kevin sighed, “Come with me.”

The partners went into break room and shut the door behind them before Kevin face Javier, "Remember what you said at Christmas about us needing to talk? You were right, we do. I'm in love with someone else."

"Since when?" Javier's eyes went wide in surprise.

"About eight years," Kevin repeated.

"What am I not getting?" Javier asked, "What happened eight years ago?"

"I had an affair," Kevin told him.

"You cheated on Jenny?"

"Yeah," Kevin confirmed.

"Anyone I know?" Javier asked nervously.

"You can't say anything."

"Please tell me it's not Lanie."

"No, she’s all yours," Kevin shook his head.

"Then who?" Javier asked, "Is she a cop? Oh, god, please don't let it be Beckett."

"Don't be ridiculous," Kevin scoffed, “Like she’s ever looked at anyone else in a serious way since Castle showed up.”

"So, then who?" Javier desperately hoped that his partner hadn’t gone down the path that he thought he did.

Kevin sighed, "Alexis."

"Alexis," Javier repeated, "Alexis…no, no, no, not Castle's Alexis."

"Javi," Kevin started.

"You slept with Castle's daughter?" Javier nearly shouted.

"Would you keep your voice down? Castle doesn't know."

"Castle's daughter," Javier hissed, "Have you lost your freaking mind?"

"No, I fell for her. Is that such a crime?"

"I don't know. Depending on when it started, it might have been."

"She was twenty-two," Kevin snarked. "I wouldn't have slept with her when she was a minor."

"Because sleeping with her after she became legal is so much better," Javier rolled his eyes, "I…ah...I can't..." Javier fumbled for the ability to form a complete sentence. "I can't even talk to you right now."

"Javi," Kevin started.

"I need some time with this."

"Just promise you won't say anything to Beckett or Castle."

"I can't promise that right now," Javier stormed out of the room, slamming the door loudly behind him.

Kevin leaned against the wall and sighed. He hoped he hadn't just lost his best friend.

-d-d-d-

Javier came through the door of autopsy and saw Alexis at the table.

"Hey," he said.

Alexis turned around, "Hey. If you're looking for Lanie, she's out at a crime scene."

"I came to see you," Javier responded.

"Oh, what's up?" she removed her latex gloves and made a few notes in the file she was working on before giving the man her full attention.

"I know about you and Kevin," he said.

"Oh God," Alexis breathed, while dropping her file folder on the floor.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he replied, "Were either of you even thinking?"

"I know you're Kevin's best friend, but you don't have any right to lecture me about my behavior,” she bent down to retrieve the papers that had fallen.

"Jenny is also a friend," Javier said.

"Funny, I thought I was too," Alexis growled. "Or was that someone else holding me up the day of my grandma's funeral?"

"How did this even start?"

"We were just friends at first," Alexis leaned against a table for support. "It was just coffee and talking. It didn't turn sexual for awhile after that."

"Did either of you ever consider the consequences of your actions?"

"Please don't act like you're perfect, Detective. We both know you're not. I'm not going to explain or justify my actions to you. It happened, but it's over."

"For how long? Until he gets a divorce?"

"I did not ask him to divorce Jenny."

"I don't think he's gotten that message," Javier replied.

Alexis shook her head, "Javi, please don't say anything to anyone. If and when my dad finds out, I want it to be from me."

"Trust me when I say that telling Castle is the last thing on my mind."

"Did Kevin tell you anything else?"

"I didn't stick around to hear him out."

"I was pregnant when I left New York."

"You were what?" Javier's eyes went wide.

"Hunter is biologically Kevin's son."

"Does Kevin know?" he stammered out.

"Yeah, he figured it out before I came back to New York. We talked about it briefly on Christmas Eve. I suspect there will be more conversations about it in our near future."

Javier sputtered for a reply.

"Hunter doesn't know," Alexis continued.

"He thinks Chris is his dad?"

"Chris was his dad," Alexis said, “He was the only father Hunter has ever known.”

"Are you planning on telling Hunter the truth?" Javier asked.

"Eventually," Alexis nodded.

"I can't believe this," Javier leaned on a gurney. "My best friend sleeps with the daughter of one of our other best friends, and she gets pregnant. She takes off and doesn't tell him for eight years."

"It's complicated," Alexis replied.

"Yeah, it's complicated. It's a freaking mess."

"It wasn't exactly how I planned my life either," Alexis stated, "We did something dumb. I won't try to rationalize it or make excuses for it, but our mistake doesn't change who he is. He's a great man."

"I wouldn't call a man who cheats on his wife great."

"How many girls have you strung along over the years, Javi?"

"This isn't about me," Javier replied, "And I never got involved with a married woman, or slept with the daughter of one of my best friends."

"No, but you're not exactly perfect either. He is your best friend. That doesn't change just because he made a mistake, a mistake that doesn't affect you in any way, shape, or form."

"Forgive me for not being the understanding partner in all of this, but I just found out. It's a bit of a shock," Javier replied.

"And if the situation was reversed? What would you expect from Kevin?"

"Don't reverse this around on me. This was Kevin's mistake. Kevin is the one that needs to fix this," Javier insisted.

"And how is he to accomplish that?" she challenged him.

"I-He," Javier sighed. "I don't know."

"You're going to need to figure it out," Alexis stated, "Yelling at me isn't going to help anyone."

"I'm sorry, Alexis. I shouldn't take my anger out on you. You're right. We're friends too."

"Don't take it out on Kevin either. He needs you right now whether he admits it or not."

Javier's phone chimed with an alert. It was a message from Kate that she needed him and Kevin out on a stake out.

"I gotta go," Javier said. "I'll see you later."

Alexis released a depressed sigh and returned to her autopsy.

-d-d-d-

It had been well over an hour of pure silence, and Kevin was about to lose his mind. He looked over at Javier and then out the window.

"We gonna talk at all?" Kevin asked.

"Nope," Javier sucked on the sucker in his mouth.

"Where'd you go before?"

"None of your business," Javier replied.

Kevin sighed, "You're not being fair."

"I don't have to right now," Javier responded, "You're the one that screwed up this time."

"I screwed up. I admit that, but how does this affect you?"

"It's about trust," Javier responded, "You didn't trust me back then, and I don't trust you now."

"I didn't not trust you, Javi. I didn't want you to have to lie for me."

"That wasn't your decision to make," Javier insisted, "You should have trusted me enough to know that I would have done right by you."

"And every time you talked to Castle, Beckett, or Jenny, how would you have felt?"

"I don't know," he replied, "But you didn't even give me a chance. I have told you nearly every detail of my life since the moment we became partners, trusting that you would keep the more personal details to yourself. I can't believe that for eight years, you kept this mammoth secret from me."

"I couldn't tell you because I knew what you'd say," Kevin said. "You would've told me to end it. You would've gone to Alexis and begged her to walk away. You would've wanted me to fix my marriage even though there was nothing left to fix."

"All of which would have been good advice," Javier responded, "Your family deserved that."

"What about me?" Kevin shot back, "What do I deserve? Don't I deserve to be happy?"

"And Alexis made you happy?"

"Yes, she did," Kevin said. "Sarah Grace isn't my only family."

"No, you're right," Javier responded, "You have a son, which you have known about for how many weeks now? Have you taken any responsibility for him? Have you told your wife or your daughter?"

"How the hell did you know about that?"

Javier looked away, cursing his mouth.

"Please tell me you didn't talk to Alexis," Kevin demanded.

"I needed to hear her side of things," Javier responded, "I needed to be sure that you didn't..."

"Didn't what?" Kevin growled, "Didn't take advantage of her? Force myself on her? Do you really think that little of me?”

"I needed to be sure you didn't break the law when you were with her," Javier said. "And let's not go into what I think about you right now."

"Son of a bitch. It’s hard enough having conversations with her right now. The last thing I need is you going down there and demanding answers that are none of your damn business."

"None of my damn business," Javier snorted, "You're absolutely right. My partner is none of my damn business. I'm just supposed to put my life in his hands on a nearly daily basis."

"I'm your partner and I trust you. But you had no right to go anywhere near Alexis to discuss this."

"I really don't give a damn right now what rights I have," Javier stated.

"Well, we're gonna have to figure this out because like you said, we are partners, and we do have to put our lives in each other's hands," Kevin stated.

"Maybe we should change that," Javier stared out the windshield.

"You want the whole story? My marriage was falling apart and all of sudden there was this person I could talk to without being judged," Kevin started talking.

"You could have talked to me."

"No," Kevin shook his head. "You liked Jenny too much to be objective. Lex was different. I didn't have to put on a good face with her."

"I'm your partner first," Javier reminded him, "I would have listened without judgment."

"Like you are now?" Kevin eyed him.

"So what changed?"

"One night we were sitting at a coffee shop. It was late, and I still didn't want to go home."

"So you figured you'd just hit on Castle's daughter."

"No, that was the night I realized I needed to put some distance between us," Kevin tipped his head back against the seat, “But I couldn’t help myself. I was drawn to her, and there were hints that she might feel the same. We would bump into each other in random places, and things just came to a head. We agreed not to see each other anymore, and for awhile it worked. Then I had a really bad day, and she was the only one I wanted to talk to about it. I went to see her, just to talk, but one thing led to another.”

"You should have ended it after one night."

"I tried," Kevin responded, "I tried like hell, but she was like an addiction to me. I couldn't stay away."

"You were really in love with her," Javier said.

"Still am," Kevin looked out the window again.

"So what's next?" Javier asked, "You gonna keep pestering her until she caves?"

"Her husband has only been gone for a few months and the way it happened," Kevin looked at his hands.

"Yeah," Javier remembered seeing the news report on CNN. "That's gotta be tough."

"I'm getting myself free, first of all," Kevin said. "Then I'm gonna work on a friendship with her and Hunter."

"Does Jenny know this is coming?" Javier asked, "And what are you going to do about Sarah Grace?"

"I told Jenny I wanted out," Kevin admitted. "She's not taking it well. I fully expect her to go for the jugular. When she was at her mother's last weekend, I moved out. I'm staying with my mom right now."

"And your daughter?"

"I took Sarah Grace for a walk a few days ago," Kevin said. "She's being a lot more mature than I thought she'd be."

"Kids always seem to know when it's going bad between their parents," Javier replied.

"I don't want her to think her parents' marriage is something she should aspire to," Kevin said.

"Considering it's falling apart, I think it's safe to say she won't."

"I mean her father going around in a haze, and her mother pretending everything is okay."

"I didn't realize it was that bad," Javier frowned. He was now starting to kick himself for not seeing his partner's depression sooner.

"I know," Kevin nodded. "I never wanted anyone to know."

"Not even your partners?"

"Castle would've broken my neck," Kevin said.

"Or he would've told you about Hunter."

"I don't know what I would have done had I found out about Hunter sooner," Kevin frowned, "If it had been before Lex got married, I would have insisted on being a part of Hunter’s life, but once she was married and happy...I don't know."

"He has your eyes," Javier said. "I looked at the picture on Kate's desk."

Kevin smiled, "Yeah, I know. I missed so much time with him."

"Can I be mad about that for you?"

"Mad at Lex?" Kevin asked.

"She knew she was pregnant when she left New York and didn't tell you."

"She says it was complicated," Kevin responded, "And I believe her."

"What are you gonna do if all she ever wants is friendship?"

"Find a way to be okay with it, I guess," Kevin sighed, "Because no matter what, I need to have her in my life."

"How bad did you get after she left?"

"I never thought about eating my gun if that's what you mean."

"Crossed my mind," Javier admitted.

"I was pretty messed up," Kevin admitted, "I drank a lot."

"You never thought about going after her?"

"I was a stubborn coward who decided if she didn't want me, then I didn't want her," Kevin shook his head. "I got pretty good at lying to myself."

"And everyone else."

"Yeah," Kevin nodded. "Truth? I could barely put one foot in front of the other for a long time."

"Well, I appreciate that you seemed to manage on the job," Javier responded, "Or I might not be here."

"I was determined not to screw the only two good things I had left in my life," Kevin said.

"Sarah Grace being the other one?"

"Yes," Kevin nodded.

"Oh, we have movement," Javier noticed a potential witness coming out of the cafe.

"Finally," Kevin said as he picked up a radio and spoke into it. Before they exited the car to follow the witness on foot, he asked, “We good?”

“Yeah, we’re good,” Javier nodded.


	9. Chapter 9

Javier approached his desk and raised an eyebrow at his partner. Kevin was leaning back in his chair staring at nothing, but the expression on his face was stormy.

"You alright, Bro?" Javi asked.

"Not really," Kevin admitted.

"Shoot," Javier replied.

"Castle mentioned that Chris's father didn't stick around and hasn't been seen in a long time. It got me thinking. Lex has his grandkids, and it's no secret Castle has money."

"You afraid someone is going to come out of the woodwork seeking a handout?"

"I did a search," Kevin admitted. "The guy is doing life in San Quentin, no parole."

"Problem solved," Javi responded, "Then what's with the storm clouds circling overhead?"

"Guy who delivered Hunter," Kevin said. "His old man is an ex-con. Cassius Pride. Hunter mentioned an Uncle Cass a couple of times during Christmas dinner."

"And you don't like the fact that Alexis had an ex-con hanging around your son," Javier surmised.

"Is that wrong?" Kevin asked.

"No," Javier shook his head. "But Hunter's not hanging around this guy anymore."

"Yeah, but until about a month ago Lex wasn't coming back," Kevin nodded, "What if she decides to go back to New Orleans?"

"Then you will calmly explain to her why you don't want your son around an ex-con," Javier told him. "Does Castle know about this? I can't see him too happy about his grandkids being around a man who did time."

"So I do what? Tattle to Alexis's father?"

"Not unless you're ready to explain why you think you get a vote in Hunter hangs out with."

"That's not going to happen," Kevin frowned.

"At some point you two are going to come clean, right?"

"Still thinking about that," Kevin replied, "Alexis barely acknowledges my existence."

"That's not entirely true," Javi challenged him.

"No, you're right. She does acknowledge me, just barely. I'm like a fungus that she can't get rid of," Kevin frowned, "I don't come across as desperate, do I?"

"Go to the morgue," Javi chose not to respond to Kevin's question.

"What?" Kevin stared.

"Go to the morgue and talk to her."

"Pretty sure she finds the dead guys more interesting to talk to than me," Kevin replied.

"Well, then go prove her wrong," Javier steered him towards the elevator.

"This isn't going to end well."

"You won't know until you give it a try," Javier replied.

"I really don't like you right now," Kevin grumbled.

"Yeah, I know," Javier pushed his friend into the elevator and pushed the button. "Have fun."

Kevin mashed the button of the elevator while cursing his best friend out under his breath. It was only after the door was closed that he realized Javi hadn't answered his desperation question. His ego took a few hits as the elevator went down.

-d-d-d-

Alexis was sitting at her desk when Kevin walked in with two cups of coffee.

"Thanks," Alexis took the cup from him, "What's the occasion?"

"No occasion," Kevin shook his head and leaned back against the desk next to her. "It's just been a while since we had coffee."

"If you're here to talk about Hunter..." she began.

"Not exactly," Kevin shook his head. "We haven't really talked since New Year's. I want to change that."

"And you're picking now to have this heart to heart?" Alexis asked, "I have an autopsy waiting."

"Can you talk and work at the same time?" he inquired.

"Sure," Alexis nodded as she got up. She stepped around him and went to her table.

"So what's this guy's story?" Kevin pointed towards the dead guy after following her while sipping at his cup casually.

"Nothing special," Alexis commented. "Just stupid. Got drunk and got behind the wheel."

"Hope he didn't hurt anyone else in the process," he replied.

"Just the garbage bin that he ran his car into," Alexis replied, "Killed by the impact, most likely."

"Guys like that piss me off," Kevin commented. "Like I don't have enough worries about Sarah Grace. I have to worry about guys like that being on the road."

"Tell me about it. You should have seen the amount of drunk drivers the Jefferson Parish Sherriff used to pull over during Mardi Gras."

"Probably about as many as the police stop around here on New Year's Eve after the celebration in Time Square wraps up," Kevin replied.

"How was your New Year's Day?" Alexis asked.

"It was alright," he shrugged, "Sarah Grace and I played board games for most of the day. How about you?"

"It was pretty easy. No bodies, so I filled out paperwork."

"Guess the dead people of New York wanted to ease you into your first day," he replied.

"Right," Alexis nodded.

"I have a couple of questions for you," Kevin stated after clearing his throat.

"Sure," Alexis nodded.

"That guy King that you worked with in New Orleans. What do you know about him?"

Alexis put down her scalpel and turned to him, "How'd you find out?"

"Find out what?" Kevin was taken aback by her tone, "I'm just curious about your previous life."

"No," Alexis shook her head. "Kev, I know cop mode when I see it. I've been around them nearly all of my adult life. I was married to one, and I've got one for a stepmother. You're screaming it right now."

"I'm asking a legitimate question as a friend," Kevin responded, "Why are you jumping all over me about it?"

"I'm not," Alexis shook her head. "But when you do a search on a federal agent, a little alarm goes off at their headquarters."

"What are you talking about?" Kevin responded defensively.

"Did you think I wouldn't find out?" Alexis asked, "Meredith called me twenty minutes ago. She said someone was running searches on the NCIS office in New Orleans, and the searches originated with the NYPD. Who do I know that works for the NYPD that would want to search out the field office at NCIS in New Orleans? Only one person comes to mind…you."

"You knew what I was doing here the minute I walked through the doors, didn't you?"

"I had a clue," Alexis said. "You could've just asked. I would've told you what you wanted to know."

"You would have told me that Cade and Maggie's grandfather was doing life in prison?" Kevin challenged her, "And that my son spent time with a known felon?"

"Cassius is not a bad man. He made his mistakes, yes, but he also paid for them," Alexis said. "I didn't know about Chris's dad until a few years ago."

"Any other criminals that interacted with my son that I should know about?" he challenged her.

"You're overreacting," Alexis said.

"Am I?" Kevin scoffed, "Would you have mentioned any of this to me if I hadn't known to ask? It's like you're keeping secrets from me."

"That's not fair," she hissed, "I know I've made gigantic mistakes with you, but that doesn't give you license to come at me with the unprovoked attacks."

"You had him making friends with a criminal," Kevin shot back at her.

"Would you feel better if you knew that he was never alone with him?"

"How is that supposed to make me feel better?" Kevin replied.

"You know what, until you can have a civil conversation with me, maybe we shouldn't speak," she responded calmly, "You know your way out, right?"

"Alexis," Kevin protested.

"Have a nice day, Detective. Come back when you calm down."

Kevin knew it was best not to push her so he left as she'd requested.

"Jackass," Alexis hissed, "Judgmental, overprotective jackass."

-d-d-d-d-d

As Lanie passed by she handed Kevin an object wrapped in foil.

"What's this?" Kevin looked to Lanie in confusion.

"I don't know," the M.E. said. "Alexis gave this to me as she was leaving this morning. She just said to give it to you if I saw you."

"Thanks," he brought it to the car to examine later. He knew he'd become distracted if he gave into temptation now.

"Aren't you curious?" Javi asked Kevin when he returned to the scene and focused on their investigation.

"Yes, but I want to be able to pay attention to this. I'll be distracted if I look at it now."

"It wasn't ticking, was it?"

"Why do you always assume that packages that I receive are ticking?"

"You're very good at pissing off very smart women."

"So are you," Kevin reminded him.

"Will you please open it?" Javi asked him after several minutes of work at the crime scene.

"Oh fine," Kevin rolled his eyes and grabbed the package from the car and unwrapped it. It was a muffin. Kevin took it and found a piece of paper under it.

_K-_  
_This is our tradition. It's also my way of saying sorry for making you worry about Hunter's safety. I'm still getting used to you being around again. They're Hunter's favorite, and I hope you'll enjoy them too.  
_ _-A_

Kevin smiled upon realizing the kind of muffin she'd made. It was chocolate chip with zucchini, his favorite too.

"So?" Javier asked.

"Breakfast," Kevin smiled.

"Is there only one?"

"Sorry," Kevin apologized. "Consider it payback for the time I was on a cleanse and you kept eating donuts in front of me."

"That's just wrong," Javi glared as Kevin took a bite.

"You wouldn't like it anyways."

"Why? It's not one of those chocolate chip zucchini things, is it? I told you man, that's just a horrible combination."

"You just don't know what tastes good," Kevin laughed and rolled his eyes as Castle came over.

"Morning guys," he said. "I heard my daughter is giving you baked goods."

"Uh, yeah," Kevin responded nervously, "It's good. I didn't know she knew how to bake."

"She learned how when she and Chris got married. They had such unpredictable schedules that they knew breakfast together was never a certainty, so they created their own version of breakfast on the go. Every week they'd take turns picking a type of muffin. When they were both home, they'd bake a bunch for themselves and the kids to take."

"Wonder why she thought to send me one," Kevin decided to play dumb as he didn't want to put any ideas into Castle's head.

"Kate mentioned your problems at home and that she caught you sleeping on the break room couch three times last week. Alexis probably wanted to make sure you ate real food."

"Yeah, that must be it," Kevin nodded, "Tell her I said thanks when you see her next."

"Tell her yourself when you're in the morgue next time," Castle smiled. "I don't know what happened between you and Alexis, but you could both use a friend right now."

"Uh, yeah," Kevin stammered out, "I'll have to keep that in mind."

"Castle," Kate called. "Ian's school's on the phone. He forgot his science homework."

"Damn," Castle winced, "That was my task this morning. I'd better go take care of that. Keep what I said in mind, Ryan. You both could use a friend right now."

"If only he knew," Javi laughed once Castle was out of range.

"I miss her, Javi," Kevin admitted.

"Then go get her," Javi encouraged him, "What are you waiting for?"

"How about allowing her a chance to grieve?" Kevin offered, "Her husband did just die, and I'm still married."

"Technically," Javi responded, "But you've filed the papers a couple of days ago, right?"

"Knowing Jenny, she is gonna give me the fight of my life. We're talking the Jimmy Doyle-Sugar Ray Robinson fight."

"That's not a good comparison," Javier shook his head. "Doyle died after that fight."

"It's still valid," Kevin responded. "I don't want to put Alexis in the middle of all that."

"Isn't that for her to decide?"

"I know her," Kevin shook his head. "I know that underneath all the defensiveness and appearance of being okay, she is barely hanging on. I saw it the night Martha died, and I see it every time she lets her guard down for just a second."

"Then shouldn't you try to be there to help her through it?" Javi asked, "You know be what you couldn't be last time."

"You wanna know something really personal?"

"Go for it," Javier nodded.

"The night Martha died was the last time I really kissed her."

"That night must haunt you, Bro," Javier replied.

"I couldn't stay with her," Kevin frowned remembering. "She wouldn't go home, and I had to. I wanted to stay so damn bad."

"Do you think things might have turned out differently if you stayed with her that night?" Espo asked.

"I don't know," Kevin shook his head. "I do wonder if Jenny would've finally realized something was going on if I hadn't come home that night. None of us were at the station."

"Do you really think she didn't know back then?" Javi asked.

"If she didn't, she's done a remarkable job at playing dumb," Kevin commented. "She knows now."

"It's a tough spot that you're all in," Javi patted Kevin's back.

"And it could've been avoided if I'd just gone after Alexis when she first left New York."

"You're still kicking yourself about that, aren't you?"

"Every single day," Kevin admitted. "If you were in my position, what would you do?"

"Buddy up to her until you're both ready for more," Javi responded, "What's the harm in being friends?"

"How many of your friends have you seen naked?"

"Just you and Lanie," Javi snorted, "But only Lanie was worth a second look."

"Funny," Kevin leaned against the car. "Alexis and I tried the friend thing before. You know what that led to."

"Obviously the friend thing won't last forever, but when you're both in a better place you can take it to the next level," Javier advised his friend, "But what's the harm in spending time together until then? It's been eight years. You've both changed since then. You're going to want to figure her out a second time."

"Yeah, the only problem there is that every time I see her, I am torn between kissing her or strangling her," Kevin said. "I realize we've both changed. She's been married and has three kids. Now she's a widow who watched the building her husband was in blow sky high."

"At least give it a try," Javi responded, "What can it hurt?"

"Since when did you become some sort of love guru?" Kevin scowled at him, "You can't even tie yourself down to Lanie."

"Oh I let Lanie tie me down a few times a month," Javier smiled.

"Bad, bad images in my head," Kevin groaned.

"Look, why don't you start by thanking her for the muffin and apologizing for being a judgmental jackass?"

"I should at least thank her for the muffin," Kevin conceded.

"Yes, you should," Javier smiled.

Kevin and Javi finished their investigation at the crime scene and returned to the precinct to start their search for their killer. They all got caught up in the case that it was a few days before Kevin even remembered her gesture, and that was when she stepped into the coffee shop while he was reading his paper. He'd just finished an article and turned the page of his newspaper while he looked around the coffee shop he was sitting in and spotted a familiar head of hair at the counter.

He felt his heart speed up at the mere sight of Alexis even though they hadn't spoken directly since their argument and her peace offered muffin.

He'd been feeling pretty good since his discussion with Jenny about the divorce, aside from the conversation he'd had with his daughter explaining that he was moving out and divorcing her mother. She'd taken the news relatively well. In fact his ten-year-old had taken it better than her mother had.

Kevin felt relatively confident that their spat was over, so he approached the red head. "Hey, Alexis, fancy meeting you here."

He caught her in the middle of unclipping her hair. It had just begun to tumble around her shoulders when she turned to face him, "Hi."

He was momentarily stunned into silence as he recalled times when her hair had fallen around them, creating a curtain and giving them privacy as they kissed. He shook himself out of it and smiled, "Haven't seen you since…never mind. How has autopsy been treating you?"

"Not bad. You guys keeping busy?"

"It's never dull in Homicide," Kevin replied, "Can I buy you a cup of coffee?"

"Here you go," one of the people behind the counter handed Alexis a paper cup.

"Thanks anyway," Alexis nodded.

"How about a muffin then?" he offered, "Maybe a chocolate chip zucchini muffin?"

"Uh, no. Thank you," Alexis looked down at the counter. She obviously hadn't put together his reference of the muffin she'd sent him. Her mind was elsewhere.

"Everything alright?" he noticed the slight slump in her posture.

"Bad day," she replied as she suddenly spilled coffee on her shoes, "And it just keeps piling on."

"Here," Kevin grabbed some napkins and bent down at the same time Alexis did. They bumped heads.

"Ow," Alexis groaned.

"Sorry," he touched her head lightly.

"It's okay. I'm fine. Hard head like my dad," Alexis managed to get the coffee sopped up off her shoes before it could soak through and leave a stain.

"I have a table, if you want to join me," he motioned towards where his coffee and paper awaited him.

"I should get back," Alexis said.

Realizing she was brushing him off, he gave a solemn nod and retreated without another word. He thought that they would have moved beyond their spat from a few weeks earlier, but apparently he was wrong.

Alexis got two steps towards the door before she turned around and walked over to his table, "I'm being a bitch, and I'm sorry."

"You want to talk about it?" Kevin nodded to the empty chair.

Alexis sat down, "It's just the date. It's getting to me."

"You're going on a date?" he gulped nervously.

"No. Today's date. It's the tenth."

"Okay," he responded slowly, not understanding what the point was she was trying to make.

"February tenth," Alexis prodded.

"Friday, February tenth," Kevin nodded as he checked his watch.

Alexis laughed, "It's nice to know that there are times when you can be a typical guy."

"I don't follow," he frowned.

"What's ten plus four?"

"Fourteen," he responded, "Is this some sort of math quiz that I didn't study for?"

"God, you are so clueless," she rolled her eyes, "February fourteenth, otherwise known as Valentine's Day."

"Oh," Kevin nodded. "Right. I am an idiot."

"Hunter and Cade just told me this morning that we need to get Valentine's Day cards for their classes to exchange next week, and it just hit me that I'll be without a Valentine this year...Chris always made a big deal out of Valentine's Day."

Kevin nodded again, "First one's going to be the hardest. Did you guys make plans in advance?"

"Chris made plans. It was simply understood that I would need to be available that day," she explained.

"Liked to surprise you," Kevin surmised. "Sounds like a good guy."

"Great guy," Alexis nodded, "It's slowly starting to sink in that he's gone."

"Yeah, it always takes a while for the news to sink in when something happens that you aren't prepared for," Kevin nodded.

"I'm sorry, I'm just not in a good head space right now," she replied, "About that fight a few weeks ago…."

"Water under the bridge," he assured her.

"Thanks," she smiled weakly.

"I get it, Lex. Believe me," Kevin let her off the hook.

"I should go," Alexis gathered her belongings, "I'll see you around."

"Wait," Kevin laid a hand on her arm. "Stay and talk. It'll help."

"I don't want to lay all my problems in your lap," she replied, "That's not fair to you."

"It wasn't fair to you either a lot of the time," Kevin reminded her. "But you were always willing to listen to me."

"It's a bit more complicated now," she frowned, "I appreciate the offer, but maybe another time."

"You still owe me a dinner," he reminded her.

"Yeah, I do," she nodded, "Rain check?"

"I think you're out of rain checks, Doctor," he replied, "How about we nail down an actual date? I'm off this Tuesday. Does that work for you?"

"I think that's a little too close to a date for my comfort," Alexis said.

"Why, what's happening Tuesday?" he asked.

"Such a guy," she gave an amused laugh, "Tuesday, February fourteenth, otherwise known as Valentine's Day."

"Oh, right," he frowned. He'd already forgotten.

"You don't having plans already?"

"I doubt spending Valentine's Day with my soon to be ex-wife is a good idea."

"Soon to be?" she gave him a startled look.

"I told Jenny I was filing. I started the proceedings."

"Oh," she was taken aback, "I had no idea."

"Lex? I told you I was doing this at Christmas."

"You told me you had planned for it," she replied, "In my defense, you said that often when we were together eight years ago. I didn't know this was nearly a done deal. You didn't mention anything about it to me a few weeks ago."

"I deserve that," Kevin conceded. "A few weeks ago when we had spoke I hadn't talked to Jenny yet. I didn't want anything out there until I had a chance to talk to her and Sarah Grace. I owed them that much. As far as 'done deals' go, those aren't the words I'd use. It's more like trying to run in quicksand."

"Jenny's giving you a fight," Alexis surmised.

"To put it mildly," Kevin told her.

"I'm not surprised," she stared at her coffee cup.

"You want another one?" he asked.

"No," she shook her head.

"Have dinner with me," Kevin reached for her hand, "How about a week from Tuesday? It can be sort of an anti-Valentine's Day dinner."

"That actually sounds like fun. You know what February 21st is right?"

"No, what?"

"Fat Tuesday," Alexis smiled. "We'll have Hurricanes. Don't forget your beads."

"I'll see if I can find some," he gave a wide smile.

"Have a nice night, Kevin," Alexis smiled as she stood up. She bent down to kiss his cheek before leaving the coffee shop.

Kevin made a mental note to pick up a Valentine's trinket for his daughter. Perhaps she could be his Valentine this year.

He also needed to find some beads as Alexis suggested.

-d-d-

"Hey, Ryan," a uniform walked over to him. "This was left at the desk for you."

"Thanks," Kevin nodded as he took the box and began opening it.

"Open it slowly, Partner," Javier looked nervously at the box, "If it's from Jenny it could be ticking."

"Don't be ridiculous," Kate smacked his shoulder when she approached.

Kevin laughed as he pulled out a string of purple beads.

"What the-" Javier stared. "You going to some weird party?"

"It's a Mardi Gras thing, Espo," Kate replied, "You'd know if you've ever been."

Kevin smiled as he turned the box over and found a note.

_K-_  
_Purple's for justice. Seemed appropriate. First Hurricane's on me tonight.  
_ _-A_

"Secret admirer, Ryan?" Javier looked to his partner curiously. Kevin hadn't filled him in on his evening's plans.

"Just some plans for tonight," Kevin smiled as he put the note in his pocket and the beads in his drawer for later. "What's up, Beckett?"

"Caught a case," she replied, "Let's go."

"You're really not gonna tell me who the beads were from?" Javier followed Kevin and Beckett.

"No, I'm really not," Kevin smiled.

"Since when do we have secrets?" Espo asked.

"Since I know you can't keep one," Kevin told him.

"Since when have I not been able to keep secrets?" Javi challenged him.

"Beckett, how many people knew you were pregnant with Jo before Castle did?"

"Everyone," Kate glared at the detective, "I had to tell Castle while we were at a crime scene before he found out from the uniform that was daring to approach to offer his congratulations."

"That was an accident," Javier said.

"Javi, the cleaning crew knew about Jo before Castle."

"Fine, don't tell me," Javi huffed, "I'm a detective. I'll figure it out for myself."

Kevin laughed as leaned against the back of the elevator. Beckett shot her friend a knowing look before turning to Javier, "Good luck with that. You still don't know why Lanie turned you down for Valentine's Day."

"I'll figure that out too," he responded confidently.

"No, you won't," Kevin and Kate said in unison before exchanging a look.

"Whatever, Man," Javier glared at his partner.

-d-d-d-

"C'mon, just give me a hint," Javier whined.

"No," Kate shook her head.

"I know you know," Javier said.

"Yeah, I do," Kate gave a confident smile, "But it's none of your business or mine for that matter."

"It's not Jenny, is it?" Javi responded with dread, "Are they getting back together?"

"Would you get back together with a woman who sent you dead flowers on Valentine's Day? Wait, don't answer that. I don't want to know."

"That was pretty low of Jenny," Javier frowned, "I get her not being happy with the divorce, but that was just..."

"Creepy," Kate finished for him.

"I was going to go with psychotic," Javier amended.

"That too," Kate agreed.

"Anyway, back to Kevin's date," Javier said.

"Okay, Javi, I admit it. I am attracted to you," Kate smiled.

"What? Whoa, Beckett," Javier backed away.

"But for both our sakes, we can never act on it."

"Beck- Hi, Castle," Javier said when he heard repressed laughter from behind.

"And why are you hitting on my wife?" Castle felt the need to prolong the detective's discomfort.

"I'm not," Javier protested. "She knows something about Kevin's date for tonight, and she won't tell me."

"Why are you worried about Kevin's love life? Shouldn't you be trying to fix your own?"

"Fix my own?" Javier repeated, "My love life is just fine, thank you very much."

"Not according to Lanie," Castle casually perused a magazine.

Kate snorted before holding up a file folder to cover her laughter.

Castle looked at his wife, "Can I buy you lunch, Detective?"

"Absolutely," she smiled.

"Hey, wait," Javier protested. "Beckett, I know you know."

"Know what?" Kate said with an innocent smile.

"Oh, come on," Javier threw up his hands.

"See you in an hour, Javi," Kate waved as the doors closed.

Javier looked around for Kevin and saw him in the break room on the phone. Just as he walked towards it, Gates came out of her office.

"Esposito, I need you to go down to 1PP to pick up some files."

"What?" Javier turned towards his captain abruptly, "Can't you get a uniform to do it?"

"No. These files are important, and I don't want a random uniform doing it. I want you to do it."

Javier released a dejected sigh and moped towards the elevator like a child just scolded for having his hand in the cookie jar.

-d-d-d-

"With any luck, I can be out of here by five. Does that work for you?" Kevin asked.

" _Yeah, I'll meet you out front of the morgue."_

"I'll be there," he vowed.

" _Lanie says that you've been torturing Javi by keeping from him that we're going out tonight,"_ Alexis snorted, _"And why can't he know?"_

"Because then Castle might find out," Kevin replied, "And we don't want that, do we?"

" _No, good point,"_ Alexis agreed.

"Kate said she knows, but she's just messing with Javi," Kevin admitted, "And it's driving him insane."

" _Speaking of messing with Javi, he still doesn't realize that the reason Lanie turned him down is because he forgot he made plans with her to go out on Valentine's Day and then asked her again, does he?"_

"Not a clue," Kevin chuckled.

" _Poor Javi,"_ Alexis laughed.

"He deserves it," Kevin replied.

" _Show some sympathy,"_ Alexis chided. _"He is your partner."_

"Today he's not my partner. Today he's a giant pain in the ass."

" _Did you get the package I sent you?"_ she asked.

"What do you think set Javi off?" Kevin smiled.

" _Ah,"_ it suddenly clicked for Alexis, _"I hadn't thought about that. Sorry."_

"I'm actually kind of enjoying it," Kevin admitted.

" _Glad they're of some amusement,"_ she replied.

"Are you expecting me to wear them tonight?"

" _No,"_ Alexis smiled. _"I just wanted to do something nice for you."_

"Just having dinner with me tonight is sufficient."

" _So, where are we going?"_

"Carmine's okay with you?"

" _I do like a good Italian meal,"_ Alexis smiled.

"I'd better go," he glanced towards the window of the break room. Gates was giving him a stern look, and he didn't want a lecture about conducting personal business during work hours.

" _Yeah, me too,"_ Alexis heard the door open. Lanie was back.

"See you tonight," he replied.

" _Looking forward to it,"_ she smiled.

"Bye," Kevin smiled.

" _Bye."_

Kevin disconnected and then looked up to see Gates again. He suddenly realized he needed something from his boss.

Walking across the bullpen he knocked on her door, "Sir? Can I have minute?"

"Sure, Ryan, what can I do for you?" she looked up from the file she'd just started reading.

"I need a change of marital status form. Do you have any, or should I call personnel?"

Gates looked startled by the question. "Is everything alright, Detective?"

"I'm getting a divorce," Kevin admitted. "I guess I need a change of address and change of beneficiary form, too."

"I can get my hands on the forms for you," Gates replied, "And if you need someone to talk to…"

"I know Psych is available," Kevin responded, "But I'm fine."

"Yes, you are," Gates realized. "I'll get those forms to you by the end of the day."

"Thank you," Kevin nodded before he left the office.

-d-d-d-d-

Alexis studied the menu in front of her for a moment before she realized she was being stared at. She looked up and met Kevin's eyes for a split second before he looked back at his menu. She fought a smile as she returned her attention to her menu.

A second glance revealed that he was looked at her again.

"Stop that," she scolded him.

"Sorry," he apologized not even trying to deny the staring.

"Do I have something in my hair?"

"No, you look beautiful," he assured her, "You always do."

"Okay, then why the staring? You've seen me before, right?"

"It was a long time without," he told her. "When I allowed myself to miss you, I would find myself picking out certain details that I remembered of you, and then pick it apart until I remembered every little detail."

Alexis closed her menu and leaned on the table, "The image I kept in my head of you was the Fourth of July party. You were laughing hysterically, and Sarah Grace dumping small handfuls of sand on you."

"I still have those pictures we took," he admitted while pulling out his phone to show them to her and then more current photos of his daughter.

Alexis smiled, "God, she was so tiny."

"Yeah, some days it's hard to believe the little girl in that picture is the same one I'm raising now," he smiled proudly.

"Should I ask what image of me you kept in your head?" Alexis said, handing the phone back.

"Just the important ones," he gave her a knowing wink.

Alexis bit her lip, "I have to ask you. New Year's Eve when you were playing pool with my dad, did you-were you thinking about-"

"When I taught you to play pool?" Kevin finished.

"Yeah," she nodded.

"Couldn't stop," he added, "Almost blew my concentration."

"Oh thank God, it wasn't just me."

"Never for a minute," he stated. He was about to reach for her hand when the server arrived to take their order.

Considering Carmine's was family style, they skipped an appetizer and just decided to share their entrees. Kevin got chicken, and Alexis ordered eggplant.

"How bad did it get with Jenny?" Alexis asked quietly.

"It wasn't all bad," he sighed, "After you left I was in a daze for awhile. Around Sarah Grace, I was fine, but in everything else, I was on autopilot."

"Surely Jenny must have noticed something wasn't right," Alexis replied.

"If she did, she didn't acknowledge it. She's always been a good actress."

"Not as good as you think," Alexis commented. "My grandmother saw right through her."

"Yeah, well, I wish your grandmother had set me straight," he replied, "Would have saved us both a lot of time and heart ache."

"Jo sleeps in my old room now. I went in there the other day to get a few boxes out of the back of my closet," Alexis started. "I found that old T-shirt you wore the weekend we had the loft to ourselves."

"That was one of my favorite weekends," he smiled.

"I could never find it after that weekend. If you wanted it back, I have it now."

"It's yours," he told her.

"Things happened how they were supposed to," Alexis swallowed hard, "It was one of the hardest things I had to do in leaving you, but I can't regret how I lived my life after you. I'm sorry if this hurts, but I made a good life for myself with Chris...until the explosion."

This time Kevin didn't hesitate in taking her hand, partly to offer comfort and partly to reassure himself that she was real. If she'd been closer to that building, he'd have been standing next to Castle and Beckett at her funeral. Just the thought made him sick and he squeezed her hand lightly.

"Kevin?"

"It does hurt but, it would've hurt more if you'd died too."

"I thought about you," Alexis admitted, "Nearly every day, nearly every time I looked into Hunter's eyes. Somehow Chris found a way to be okay with it."

"I would love to hate him," Kevin confessed. "I want to hate him, you have no idea how much, but I can't. I can't hate a man who made you happy."

"He reminded me a little of you," she replied, "He had the same fierce determination to find justice."

"Castle said he was from Alabama?" Kevin recalled a detail from Castle's initial complaint of Alexis's marriage.

"Yes. His accent," Alexis shook her head in amusement. "It was thick and in the beginning there were times I couldn't understand what he was saying."

"You've got a bit of an accent too," Kevin smiled.

"I do not," she protested.

"It's a bit north meets south," he replied.

"Oh God, really?" Alexis blushed.

"I like it," Kevin told her.

"So what kind of man are you these days, Kevin Ryan?" she squeezed his hand.

"Just trying to do right by the city and my family," Kevin said. "All of my family."

"How are things with you and Javi? Still good?"

"We've had a few rough patches recently," he admitted.

"Yeah I stumbled into the middle of one, didn't I?" she frowned.

"Don't," Kevin shook his head. "It's on me. I never told him back then and he's pissed."

"I never wanted to mess up things between the two of you," she felt tears well in her eyes.

"I was selfish back then," he admitted, "I wanted to keep you all to myself, and I didn't want to share any part of what we had with anyone. To him it felt like I didn't trust him."

"Was it that you wanted to keep me to yourself or were you afraid of what Javi might do with the information?"

"He wouldn't have gone to your dad, if that's what you mean," Kevin said.

"I know, but he might have come to me and asked me to end it."

"If you knew he'd found out, what would you have done?" he asked curiously. "What would you have done if he came to you and told you to end it?"

"I tried to end it once or twice before I left New York," Alexis reminded him. "I couldn't do it. Javi knowing would've been dangerous. You two don't always think before you start arguing. You both have tempers. The simplest disagreement between you two and half the precinct would've found out. So, I think I would've ended it."

"Guess it was best he didn't find out," Kevin replied.

"If he'd told you to end it, reminded you that you were married, or threatened to tell my dad, what would you have done?"

"I don't know," Kevin glanced towards his left hand where the ring had finally been removed. He thought he'd feel strange about not wearing it, but it hadn't. It felt like a weight had been lifted. "I was scared to end my marriage, which is maybe why it's only now that I've found the courage, but maybe it would have been for the best if he had found out. It would have forced me to make the tough decision."

"And if my dad had been the one to find out about us?"

"I think I still would have made the tough decision, but with a serious limp," he replied.

Alexis giggled, "Would it make you feel better to know that he wasn't crazy about Christopher at first?"

"That had nothing to do with Chris as a person and everything to do with where he lived."

"It might have had more to do with how no man was ever good enough for his only daughter," Alexis replied. "Lord, I can only imagine how hard it's going to be for poor Jo."

"Yeah Sarah Grace's future boyfriends aren't in for an easy time either," Kevin commented.

"Pretty sure that Maggie's going to have it rough too," Alexis snickered, "Her brothers are quite protective of her."

"And she has her grandpa and Uncle Javi," Kevin smiled.

"Javi should have some kids of his own."

"That's a scary thought all on its own," Kevin clutched at his chest, "Little Espos running around."

Alexis laughed again, "He'd be a great dad, stop it."

"He's a good uncle. I'll give you that," Kevin replied. "He's always come through for Sarah Grace."

"How's she taking everything?"

"She puts on a brave face for us," Kevin's eyes cast to the table, "I didn't want to put her through something like this, but what was the alternative? Two parents that rarely interacted with each other."

Alexis put her other hand over his, "I'm sorry. It's not easy to see your kids in pain, I know."

"She's a smart girl," Kevin replied, "I think she knew it was coming. With us not spending Christmas Eve together or New Year's Eve…she didn't seem surprised, she didn't even cry."

Alexis moved her hand on the side of his face, "She may seem like she's okay, but I promise you, she's not. Make her talk to you."

"Yeah, I'm trying," Kevin stated.

"How often do you get to see her?" Alexis asked.

"Every chance I get. It's not easy," Kevin admitted.

"Jenny?"

"Yeah," he confirmed, "She's making it as difficult as she can, but Sarah Grace seems to understand that it's not my choice to not be around as much as I want to."

"You're still a good man, Charlie Brown," Alexis smiled.

"Thank you, Lucy," he returned her smile.

"I missed that," Alexis admitted.

"Me too."

"So where do we go from here?" Alexis asked.

"We started as friends. I'd like to get back to that again."

"Is that all?" she bit her lip.

"For now," he nodded, "We're both trying to pick up the pieces of our lives. It's going to be awhile before we can even try to see if they fit together."

"You're still in there," she realized. "The decent guy I had a huge crush on at fifteen is still in there. I think I forgot for a while."

"I think I forgot he was there too," he admitted. "I was hard on myself…after you left so abruptly."

"Kevin, I…" she began.

"No," he halted her, "Let's save that for another time."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "No expectations tonight, remember?"

Dinner came and went, and they continued to banter back and forth. In some ways, it felt like years apart had never occurred, but in others it felt like the time apart had been much longer.

Kevin was far too hard on himself, taking all the blame for their separation. She'd tried several times to set him straight, but every time he stopped her, claiming it wasn't the time.

After dinner, when he got her a cab, they faced each other and she wasn't sure what to do for a moment and then she kissed his cheek.

"This was fun," she tugged lightly at his tie, "Maybe we can do it again."

"Yes," Kevin said. "I would like that."

"Maybe in a couple of weeks," she shifted nervously from one foot to the other.

"Not next week?" he asked hopefully.

"No," she shook her head, "My dad has lined up showings with a realtor. He claims to have found the perfect place for me and the kids."

"Still trying to make sure you stay close?"

"Yes," Alexis nodded. "You know my dad."

"Yes, I do," Kevin nodded.

"Well, whenever you do find a place, let me know," Kevin replied, "I'll help you move."

"I appreciate the offer, thanks," Alexis smiled.

"Nite, Lex," he brought her hand to his lips.

"Nite," her eyes were on her hand and his lips.

Kevin helped her into the cab and then watched it drive away.

Alexis looked out the back window of the cab and watched Kevin for a moment before she turned around and settled against the seat. God, she hadn't wanted to say goodnight. What was wrong with her?

-d-d-d-d-

So we went a little long on this one. I hope everyone liked it.


	10. Chapter 9

Espo and Rick grumbled each time they carried a new piece of heavy furniture into the apartment. Alexis would navigate them in the right direction, which solicited more grumbling

"What do you think Kate?" Alexis asked her step-mother while motioning around her new apartment.

"I like it," Kate took in the surroundings, "I can definitely see why your father liked it so much. It's his style."

"Where does this go?" Espo held up his end of the overstuffed chair he and Rick were carrying.

"Office," Alexis pointed to a door off the living room.

"Could this furniture be any heavier," Espo grumbled.

"I'm buying you a beer, remember," Alexis promised.

"I'm going to need a new back," Espo said.

"I'm only buying beer," Alexis laughed.

"It had better be more than one."

"Can I get a hernia?" Rick asked as he backed into Alexis's office.

"Sure," Kate snorted. "But rent one first, make sure you like it."

"What a bunch of babies," Alexis rolled her eyes before returning to the living room to unpack a box of books onto a built in shelf.

She looked over her shoulder when Kevin walked in backwards holding one end of her dining room table while the doorman held the other.

"Lanie, you mind directing them?" Alexis asked.

"Sure," Lanie nodded, "Follow me, boys."

Alexis caught Kevin's eye as he passed by and smiled at him before she returned to her bookshelf loading.

"Why can't you guys just move the furniture without all the lip like Ryan?" Beckett asked her husband and the detective while they grumbled on their way to the door.

"Ryan's used to being bossed around by women," Espo said. "Have you met his sisters?"

"Grow a pair, Espo," Kate teased him.

"Funny," Espo frowned at him.

"Stop stalling," Alexis pointed to the door. "My dining room chairs aren't going to walk up here themselves."

"Keep talking like that, Little Lady, and they won't walk up here at all," Javi challenged her.

Alexis gave him the Bambi eyes, and Javier groaned.

"Crap, that's not fair," Javi did his best to avoid looking at her when he and Castle made their way back to the door.

"Works every time," Kate remarked.

"Christopher cursed the day Maggie learned that trick," Alexis giggled.

"I bet," Kate laughed while unloading her own box of books.

"The things I managed to get Dad to let me do by using that look," Alexis smiled. "I don't know if I got it from my mom or Gram."

"Jo does the exact same thing," Kate replied, "And it works every time."

"Thanks, Gram," Alexis tapped a picture of Martha.

The kids ran in and out of the living room depending on what was being brought in from the moving van.

"Hey, Mags, come here," Alexis motioned her daughter over after she nearly got trampled during the latest load.

Maggie came darting over.

"What did I say about running around the apartment today?" she knelt before her.

"You said I have to be on my bestest behavior so that I don't get hurt," Maggie recited her mother's orders to the best of her ability.

"Very good," Alexis smiled, "Then why are you running all over the apartment."

"Mr. Beary is missing," Maggie pouted.

"Oh, I see," Alexis nodded as she knelt down. "Do you remember where you last saw him?"

Maggie shook his head.

"Boys? Did you take Mr. Beary and hide him?" Alexis called out.

"No," Cade and Hunter shook their heads convincingly. Hunter added, "He got packed this morning in the box marked 'Maggie's Toys'."

"Do you know where the box is?"

"I carried it in," Kate said. "It's in Maggie's room."

"Can you find the box on your own, or do you want Hunter to help you?" Alexis asked her youngest.

"I do it myself," Maggie darted off.

Alexis smiled after her daughter and got up to look around.

"You okay?" Kate asked.

"I don't know," Alexis shook her head. "I lived in an apartment in New Orleans for two years, but this feels different."

"First place without Chris in quite awhile," Kate brought an arm around Alexis's shoulders.

"Yeah," Alexis nodded. "Do you remember the first time you and Dad visited? You pulled a gun on Chris because you didn't expect him to just barge into the apartment."

"A little heads up would have been nice," Kate laughed.

"You pulled a gun on him?" Kevin caught the tail end of the conversation.

"And Chris thought it was hysterical," Alexis chuckled, "He said it was a hell of a way to be welcomed into the family."

"It took the pressure off of Alexis because when we visited she was six months pregnant and hadn't told us yet," Kate reminded her.

Kevin didn't know if he should laugh at the story or be furious with the thought of her having lived with someone else. He withheld any further comment and went down to the truck for the next load.

Alexis turned from Kate, her eyes turned sad, and went back to shelving her books. Just as Espo, her dad, and Kevin came back in with dining room chairs, Maggie came downstairs sobbing.

Alexis turned to Maggie, "Baby, what's the matter?"

"Ouchie," she held up her cut finger, shaking as she was near hysterics.

"Oh my gosh," Alexis said. "How did you do that?"

"She cut her finger on a staple," Hunter filled in.

"Oh my goodness," Alexis replied, "Let's get you a band-aid, Princess."

"I've got one in my purse," Kate said as she went into the kitchen knowing that all first aid supplies that Alexis owned were likely still in a box that had yet to be unpacked.

Alexis smiled her thanks at Kate and reached for Maggie's hand to take a better look at the cut.

She was surprised when Maggie jerked away.

"What's the matter, Baby?" Alexis asked, "I'm trying to fix your boo-boo."

"No," Maggie shook her head. "Don't want you."

"What?" Alexis was stunned by her daughter's apparent rejection.

"Dad always kissed the boo-boo before putting on the band-aid," Hunter reminded his mother.

"Oh," Alexis said quietly.

Maggie sniffled, "I w-want D-d-daddy."

Alexis had never felt so helpless in all her life. She had a heartbroken look on her face as Maggie continued to sob. She completely lost it.

Alexis sank to her knees with sobs of her own. Rick came forward at once, and Alexis shot back up. She ran into her room and the door was heard locking.

"Come here, Maggie," Rick lifted Maggie up onto the counter to tend to her injury.

Kate went to provide comfort to her stepdaughter.

"Alexis, can I come in?" she called quietly.

Alexis couldn't even summon an answer.

"Alexis," Kate knocked softly.

Kevin stood near the kitchen counter, wanting to be the one to comfort Alexis.

"Kev?" Javier put his hand on the other man's shoulder.

"Guys, we should get going," Lanie told the boys, "The truck's unloaded, right?"

"Just brought up the last couple of boxes," Javi nodded.

"Then let's go," Lanie said quietly.

Kevin shot another look at the bedroom door where Kate was talking quietly.

"Kev," Javi prodded him, "You can't be the one to comfort her right now."

"Yeah," Kevin nodded, "I know."

"Come on," Javier said.

Lanie told Kate that the trio were taking off and to have Alexis call if she needed someone to talk.

Lanie, Javier, and Kevin walked to the elevator. Once they were on, Javier looked at Kevin, "You okay?"

"Uh," Kevin's eyes went to Lanie, "Fine."

"She knows," Javier told him.

"Of course she does," Kevin groaned.

"Secret's safe with me, Kevin," Lanie said, "Though your body might be in danger when Castle finds out you used to sleep with his daughter."

"Yeah, I know," he nodded.

"And that you want to start sleeping with her again," Javier added.

"Not the time, Javi," Kevin glared at him.

"You want her back?" Lanie asked in surprise.

"Didn't get to that part, Javi?"

"Not in so many words," Javi shrugged.

"You want to get drunk?" Lanie asked Kevin.

"No, thanks though," Kevin leaned back against the wall. "Am I crazy?"

"Probably," Lanie replied, "But isn't that what being in love is?"

Kevin smiled, "Thanks, Lanie."

"For what?"

"For not coming down on me for being with Lex eight years ago or for wanting to be with her again."

"No point in me getting upset. It happened. It was a choice that was made by two consenting adults," Lanie replied, "As far as now goes; I got no problems with it. Just give her the time that she needs to heal because today has made it quite obvious that she's not yet."

"Yeah," Kevin nodded.

"But," Lanie came to stand in front of Kevin just before the doors opened, "If you hurt her, I will perform a pre-mortem autopsy on you."

"I'll keep that in mind," he laughed.

"Good," Lanie smiled. "Let's go eat."

"You guys go on," Kevin replied, "I should be getting back to my mom's."

"You sure?" Javier asked.

"Go, I'm fine," Kevin nodded.

"Let's go, Javi. Ply me with liquor, and maybe I'll let you get lucky."

"You're on," Javi followed her like a puppy.

Kevin smiled as his friends walked away and watched Lanie took Javi's hand after a few moments.

Instead of getting into his car, he decided he needed to take a walk.

He didn't know how long he walked, but it gave him some time to think.

Watching Alexis crumble earlier was like having a knife stabbed into his heart. Not being allowed to comfort her was like having the knife twisted.

He missed her. There was no getting around it; he just did. It wasn't in just a sexual way. He missed doing simple things like holding her hand or talking to her over dinner.

Before he knew it, he was right outside Alexis's favorite ice cream shop. It appeared to be a quiet evening in what was usually a busy shop.

He walked in after a moment of thought and ordered a pint of Alexis's favorite ice cream.

-d-d-d-d-d-

Kevin knocked on the door to Alexis's apartment and waited for a response.

"Who's there?"

"Uh, Ryan," he responded hesitantly while rocking back on his heels. He knew this was a bad idea.

Alexis unlocked the door and opened it for him, "Hey. What's up?"

"I was walking past that ice cream parlor that you liked back in the day, and then I remembered how much ice cream used to cheer you up," Kevin held out a paper bag for her. There was nervousness in his voice that almost had Alexis smiling.

"I hope you bought enough for two," Alexis tilted her head in invitation. "Come in."

"It's quiet," was the first thing Kevin realized, "Kids in bed already?"

"No, my dad and Kate took them home. They thought I could use some alone time," Alexis admitted. "Counter or couch?"

"Counter," he replied, "There are hopefully a couple of spoons in the bag. I didn't know if you would have unpacked the silverware yet."

"Lanie unpacked my silverware, dishes, and glasses before she left."

"She's certainly efficient," Kevin replied.

"Efficiency helps when you're a doctor," Alexis grabbed a couple of spoons and then a glass of water. "You still like water after having something sweet?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "Can't believe you remember something like that."

Alexis smiled, "The things you hold onto, right?"

"Right," he dug into the tub, not finding it the least bit odd that they were sharing the same pint of ice cream.

"How scary was I earlier?" Alexis asked after a moment.

"About an eight."

"God, I can't even imagine how badly I scared Maggie and the boys," Alexis stared at the counter for a beat before looking at Kevin. "How bad did I scare you?"

"You didn't exactly scare me," he replied, "I wished I could help you in some way."

"Those tricky boundaries, right?" Alexis smiled ruefully.

"You want to talk?" he asked.

"I miss him," Alexis shook her head. "It's better being here in New York than it was in New Orleans because we never lived here together. There are still times when I wake up and think he's going to be making waffles with Maggie or getting ready to take the boys fishing."

"And he was the boo-boo fixer," Kevin concluded, "I'm that for Sarah Grace."

"Yeah," her eyes welled with tears.

"I know it's not the same, but when it started to go wrong, I'd miss the way things used to be with Jenny," Kevin confessed.

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you," Alexis told him.

"You miss the little things," he added, "Things that you didn't think you'd miss or feel silly for missing."

"Yeah," Alexis nodded. "When I first left, I'd miss listening to you sing in the shower in the morning."

"What, the off key assault on your senses?"

"Stop, you have a great voice," Alexis told him.

"You were a bit biased," he chuckled.

"Maybe," she nodded. "You always sounded happy, so it put me in a good mood."

"Want me to sing for you now?"

"Depends. You happy?"

"Not really," he shook his head, "It's been awhile since I've been truly happy."

"I'm sorry for that," Alexis told him.

"It's not all your fault," he replied.

"That's good to know," Alexis smiled a little. "I missed this, too."

"Ice cream?" he raised a brow, "Didn't they have parlors in New Orleans?"

"No, just sitting with you and talking," Alexis clarified.

"I missed it too."

"Do you remember the first time we snuck into my Gram's and had dinner at the counter together?" Alexis smiled.

"Yeah," he gave her a shy smile.

"It was so windy out, I thought for sure we were going to lose power and be stuck there all night," Alexis bit her lip and smiled.

"And it eventually did," he replied, "It was a good thing your Gram had those candles."

"It was the first time we just fell asleep together," Alexis remembered. "Before everything else, just you and me on the living room floor."

"That was a very uncomfortable floor," he winced with the memory.

"I don't know," she mused, "It was pretty comfortable from my end."

"Yeah, you used me as your pillow all night," he replied.

"You had your arm around me when we woke up the next morning," Alexis remembered softly.

"It was the only way I could get you to stop moving," he chuckled, "You like to toss and turn in your sleep."

"Kev, was I crazy, or did you try to kiss me that morning?"

"You're not crazy," he shook his head, "I'm glad we waited. I liked how our first kiss happened."

"Yeah, me too," Alexis nodded.

"And everything after," he added with a slight blush.

"Yeah, I liked that too," she added her own blush to the conversation.

"Until the panicked morning after," he teased.

"Oh God," Alexis put her hand on her forehead.

"You realize that if you hadn't left your cell phone I would've waited in the loft until you got home."

"All day?" she frowned.

"As long as it took," he confirmed.

"Why?"

"Because I wasn't sorry," Kevin reminded her.

"I wasn't either," she replied, "But I knew I should have been. That's why I left so abruptly."

"Guilt for not feeling guilty."

"Exactly," she nodded.

"You okay?" he studied her for a moment.

"I will be," she released a heavy sigh, "It just feels more real now that I have my own place."

"That this is your life now," Kevin nodded.

"Yeah," Alexis said.

"You still have my number?"

"Yes," she nodded.

"I have your number. I really think we should start using them more."

"Yeah, me too," she replied.

"Good," Kevin smiled.

"And do this some more," Alexis pointed to the ice cream.

"Yes, there can never be enough ice cream," he scooped out another spoonful.

"We could do the grown up version of ice cream," Alexis pointed out.

"Which is?"

"A drink after work," Alexis smiled.

"Yes, we can do that too," he agreed.

"Are we crazy for doing this?"

"For having ice cream?" he asked.

"For trying to be friends," Alexis said.

"No," he shook his head, "Feels pretty good actually."

"Thank you for coming back," she replied.

"You're welcome. I'm glad you let me in."

"That's never been a problem with us. Even when I knew what could happen I always let you in."

"I'm always going to be there for you, Lex," he reached for her hand, "No matter what does or doesn't happen between us, I'm always going to be your friend."

Alexis smiled at him, "I-it's getting late. I should go to sleep."

"Did you want me to tuck you in?" he gave her a teasing smile.

"I don't think that's the best of ideas."

"Probably not," he chuckled, "But when has that ever stopped us?"

Alexis put the lid on the ice cream and placed it in the freezer. "Good night, Kevin," she walked him to the door.

He leaned over and kissed her cheek, "Good night Lex. Sleep well."

"You too," she touched his cheek softly before closing the door.

"Baby steps," she told herself as she made her way to her bedroom.

-d-d-d-d-

Kevin smiled to himself as he walked down the hall to the elevator.

He hadn't really expected Alexis to let him into her apartment after the way she'd crumbled earlier, but as he stepped onto the elevator he felt hope for probably the first time that maybe they could get backed to what they once had, the friendship and maybe something more.

It was the something more that made his breath catch as he let some memories slideshow through his mind.

It all built towards this moment. He didn't want to give himself false hope, but he could feel this was building towards something, something that he hoped would bring him happiness.

He knew it was too soon to broach the subject of any kind of romantic future with Alexis, but he couldn't help but want it…her. He'd missed her so damn much.

A cold shower at his mother's place seemed to be calling his name. First he pulled out his phone and called his daughter. He'd gotten into the habit of calling her near her bedtime just to say goodnight.

He smiled as he walked out of the Alexis's building, talking to his daughter and never realizing that someone was watching him from across the street.


	11. Chapter 10

"Lex, I'm going to get some lunch," Lanie decided to give Alexis some space. It was clear that she needed some alone time as she'd been quiet since they'd returned from their crime scene. "Did you want anything?"

"No, I'm good. Thanks, Lanie," Alexis gave an attempt at a smile. "Tell Javi I said 'hi'."

"I will," Lanie gathered her belongings and left, nearly bumping into Kevin on her way out. "Hey, Kev, you might want to come back later. Alexis isn't having the best of days."

"Beckett's on my back about an autopsy report," Kevin told her.

"Well, don't say I didn't warn you," Lanie replied, "Javi and I are getting some lunch. Did you want me to bring you back anything?"

"No, thanks. I'm good," Kevin backed into Autopsy to see Alexis staring down at the body before her.

Alexis didn't seem to notice Kevin when he came into the room and stood beside her.

"Alexis?" Kevin said quietly.

"Kevin," Alexis jumped a mile in fright, "How long have you been here?"

"Just got here," Kevin smiled. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she reached for the file that she was assuming he'd come for, "Here's the file Kate wanted."

"Thanks," Kevin took the file and took a second look at the guy on the table. "Did he do himself in?"

"That's quite insensitive, Detective," Alexis snapped at him.

"Excuse me? It's a valid question. He was hanging from a ceiling fan."

"I know. I saw him," Alexis said.

"Lex, is something wrong?" he say something resembling pain in her eyes, "It's not like either of us have never seen a DB before."

"I'm fine," she said.

"Lex, if you want to talk," he began.

"I don't," Alexis cut him off. "Don't you have something to do?"

"Yeah, I need to know if this guy offed himself, or if I have work to do," Kevin replied.

"Show some respect," she hissed, "A man died today. Whether it was by his own hand or not, he deserves respect."

"He was a drug addicted gang banger," Kevin said. "He probably shot at cops."

"You don't know that. You don't know anything about him."

"It's my job to know how someone died, and if it was at the hands of someone else to hold the person responsible. How about you do your job and tell me how he died?"

"Were you always this much of a jackass or is a recent development?"

"You're obviously going through something, so we'll talk later," Kevin motioned to leave.

"That's it," Alexis snorted, "Just walk away. It's what you always do."

"I'm not the one who left, Alexis," Kevin turned around to face her. "That was you."

"All the times you told me you loved me," Alexis shook her head. "It didn't stop you from nailing Jenny."

"You don't know one damn thing about my relationship with Jenny," Kevin growled.

"Only what you told me," Alexis said. "Things couldn't have been too bad if you not only stayed, you slept with her. Lanie told me about your recent pregnancy scare."

"Yeah, I got low-"

"You don't know what low is."

"I don't know what low is?" he challenged her, "The love of my life just up and left on a whim. The only companion I had was someone that I had to get fall down drunk in order to even have a thought to relieve some tension. I know what low is."

"No, you really don't. I'll let you know when I have a verdict on what happened," she turned her back on him.

Kevin stormed out of Autopsy.

Alexis's eyes spilled over as she sank to her knees.

"Where's Lanie?" Esposito walked into Autopsy.

"And hello to you, too," Alexis rolled her eyes.

"Sorry," he responded quickly, "I'm in kind of a mood. Is Lanie around?"

"OCCB got a couple of dead drug mules. She's handling that."

"Figures," Javi rolled his eyes, "Need to talk, and she's not here to listen."

"Why don't you talk to Kevin?" Alexis offered, "He's your partner. Isn't that part of the gig?"

"Not when he's the problem," Javier rolled his eyes, "Of all days for your dad to be on a camp out with Ian."

"Maybe I can help," Alexis replied.

"Can you tell me how to kill someone and not leave any evidence?"

Alexis looked at him, "It can't be that bad."

"He's in such a foul mood," Javi groaned, "I don't know what happened. He was fine when I went to lunch. I come back, and he bit my head off because I was two minutes late. It's like he's been possessed by an evil spirit or something."

"Maybe he's retaining sperm," Alexis said.

"What?" Javi cringed, "Ew, that's just…ew."

"What? Like when Lanie or Kate or even Gates are in a pissy mood, you don't think PMS automatically," Alexis said as lightly as she could while her mind started to race.

"It's gotta be something with him and Jenny," Javi responded, "She's been calling him every day at the office. She has a curious knack for calling at all the wrong times…Wait, should I even be talking to you about this?"

"It's fine Javi," Alexis turned around. "It gives me something to think about besides the fact that the man who killed my husband is still walking around free."

"You know him pretty well. What should I do? Let him stew? Punch his lights out?"

"I don't know him that well anymore," Alexis commented. "Did you ask him what his problem was?"

"What am I, a chick?"

Alexis rolled her eyes, "How have Lanie and Kate not kicked you in the family jewels after all these years?"

"Don't think they haven't tried," Espo snorted.

"Just let him stew," Alexis stated finally, "He'll work himself out of his funk or whatever got him into the funk will work itself out."

"I'm trying. I came down here because I was about to knock his lights out," Javier explained. "Maybe you should talk to him."

"I don't think that's a hot idea."

Suddenly the pieces fell into place for the clueless detective. It wasn't Jenny that had put his partner in a foul mood. It had been Alexis.

"I guess I should get back upstairs," Espo stated.

"Anything you want me to tell Lanie?"

"Yeah, tell her I need a drink later."

"I will," Alexis nodded as Javier left.

Alone in Autopsy, Alexis realized just how hard she'd been on Kevin early. She'd taken out her anger on him without him knowing the entire story. She had to apologize.

Kevin sighed when he left the precinct after a long day. Javier was at his side.

"You wanna get a drink or something before we head home?" he asked his friend. Kevin needed to blow off some steam.

"I would, but I think you've got plans," Javier pointed behind Kevin.

"What?" Kevin turned around and saw Alexis standing near the edge of the stairs. She waved uncertainly.

"Come for round two?"

"No. Hi, Espo," Alexis acknowledged the other man.

"Doc," he smiled. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Alexis waited until they were alone again, "I wanted to talk if you were willing to listen."

"Depends if you're going to rip my head off again," Kevin responded, "If that's the case, I'll pass."

"Just a calm talk where I explain what was going on today."

"Wanna get some coffee or something stronger?"

"Coffee. I still have to go home and deal with three kids," Alexis smiled as she pointed across the street. "It's on me."

Kevin nodded and followed her to the coffee shop that all the cops in the precinct frequented.

They sat at an outside table, taking advantage of the warm weather.

"I can handle most suicides," Alexis began after they'd received their coffee, "Head in the oven, overdose, slit wrists, even a gun to the head. Hangings get to me."

"Why?"

Alexis took out her wallet and removed a picture. She slid it over to him.

"Is this Christopher?" he glanced at the photo of the two men, "He didn't..."

"Chris is on the left. His brother, Cade, is on the right," Alexis frowned, "He was the best man at our wedding. He was bipolar."

"I don't know what low is," Kevin repeated her earlier words to him.

"I had no right to say that to you."

"Wait. Did you say 'was'?"

"Chris and I had been married about a year. It was a part of my studies to work with a local M.E.'s office. We got called out to a hotel. When we arrived, I saw Cade hanging from the shower rod," Alexis said quietly.

"I'm sorry, Lex. That must have been tough."

"The toughest part was telling Christopher," Alexis tried to shake the image of her husband's anguished response to her news out of her mind, "Even knowing that he never saw pictures from the scene, he still saw it when he closed his eyes at night."

"I'm sorry, Lex," he reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze.

"This morning I got called out to a no-tell motel for a suicide. It just frayed my nerves. Then I was talking to Lanie. We were just talking about random things, and she mentioned that she'd thought Jenny had been pregnant a few years ago. For some reason I hated the idea of you and her having another child even though I had no right to feel that way. Then you came in a bit later."

"I never did have the greatest of timing."

Alexis smiled, "I just wanted to tell you that I am sorry for what I said. I have zero right to judge you."

"I meant what I said earlier. I was only with Jenny when I was extremely wasted."

"It's none of my business," Alexis shook her head.

"But it is," Kevin swallowed hard.

"Kevin, I have no claim on you. I walked away."

"You still have a claim on my heart," he decided to take a risk.

"I can't, Kevin," Alexis pulled her hand away, "My husband just died. I can't even think about getting involved yet, and our past issues aren't resolved. You're still married."

"Technically that may be true, but not for much longer," Kevin nodded. "I don't want to push, but I missed you, Lex."

"I missed you too," she replied, "But I found a way to move on. I had hoped that you would too, whether it was back with Jenny or with someone else."

"I wanted to," Kevin admitted. "I tried, but it always felt like a mistake."

"I'm sorry. That's not what I wanted for you."

"You don't owe me any apologies, Lex," Kevin smiled. "Have dinner with me."

"Kevin," Alexis shook her head.

"Just as friends," he said. "We were friends first."

"Maybe in a few weeks," she replied, "The kids are still getting comfortable in their routine. I don't want to mess with that just yet."

"Can I drive you home?"

"Maybe another night," she replied.

"What's wrong, Lex?" he frowned, "It's just a ride home."

"I just want to walk," Alexis said. "I could use the fresh air, and it's a nice night."

"Then I'll walk with you," he offered, "This is New York, after all."

"I'm good, Kev," she assured him, "I have my pepper spray handy, and Kate always made sure that I was up on the self defensive classes."

"I don't want to say goodnight just yet," Kevin admitted.

"Alright," Alexis agreed. "Let's go."

Kevin fished out his wallet to leave a tip for the waitress.

"Hey, put that away," she commanded him, "I said I was buying."

"You did," Kevin put a couple singles down. "But I can leave the tip."

"It was coffee, Kevin, not a five course meal. I can swing the tip," she snapped up the bills and forced them back into his hand.

"Let me be the gentleman," he smiled.

"You always are," Alexis smiled. "Fine."

Kevin set down the bills a second time before following her down the sidewalk.

They walked in silence for a few blocks before Alexis spoke, "I actually missed this place."

"Crescent City didn't cut it?"

"Mardi Gras was fun," Alexis admitted.

"I bet it was."

"You ever been?"

"No," Kevin shook his head.

"I told Chris I was pregnant with Maggie at Mardi Gras," Alexis admitted.

"I bet that made him the happiest man at Mardi Gras." Kevin recalled his own experience with learning he would be a father.

"He picked me up, twirled me around and around. He said he hoped it would be a girl," she said softly.

"I remember the feeling of finding out I was going to be a father for the first time. It was one of the happiest times of my life."

"I remember the night Dad came home and told me that Sarah Grace had been born. I'd just finished watching the news footage of the fire you and Espo were stuck in that night. I was glad you two were alive."

"I was thankful for a bit more," he replied.

"Yeah. Lanie told me the whole story," Alexis smiled. "You really wanted to name the baby Javier if it'd been a boy?"

"You sound just like him," Kevin laughed. "Busting on me for being sentimental?"

"Not at all. Hunter's middle name is King," Alexis said. "But if I'd had him in a hospital, it was going to be Javier."

"That's twice that Javi has lost out," Kevin snorted, "Poor guy can't catch a break."

"You haven't asked me yet," Alexis smiled.

"Asked you what?"

"Well, Cade is named for Chris's brother and my dad. Maggie is named for the first song Chris and I ever danced to. You haven't asked why I used the name Hunter."

"Why Hunter?" he dutifully asked.

"Can you keep a secret?"

"You know I can."

"You remember when I was kidnapped?"

"Yeah," Kevin nodded, remembering the horrible ordeal.

"Well, I was taken because of my grandfather, my dad's father."

"I thought you guys didn't know who he was," Kevin said.

"We didn't at the time, but people knew who we were. I was taken because my grandfather killed someone's wife."

"How does this relate to Hunter's name?"

"The name he gave my dad was Jackson Hunt. I have no idea if it's his real name or not, but it's the name we had. I wasn't particularly fond of the name Jackson, so I used Hunt."

"You named our son after a man that killed someone's wife?"

"No, I named him after my grandfather," Alexis shot him a look.

"Oh," Kevin replied.

"Well, here we are," Alexis stopped in front of a building.

"Enjoy what's left of your night," Kevin rocked back on his heels.

"You too," Alexis smiled. "Thanks for listening. You could have just as easily blown me off."

"I could never blow you off," he replied.

"Are you hungry?" she asked suddenly.

"Offering me dinner?" he asked.

"Yes," Alexis nodded. "I made a meatloaf this morning and left instructions for Jim to put it in the oven about an hour ago. It should be ready. Feel like eating with us?"

"Tempting, but I should be getting home. Sarah Grace will likely be needing help with her homework."

"Another time," Alexis smiled. "Goodnight."

"Good night."


End file.
